So here it is:
When we met I was a single mother. I met him through a friend. I thought he was cute and figured him to be a good option for a casual fling. I wasn't actively seeking a relationship and he was 5 years younger than I was. However, when we started to get hot and heavy, he dropped a huge bomb on me- he was a virgin. I couln't believe that someone as good looking as him could still be a vigrin at his age, but apparently, he was shy around most girls. Since I am not shy and I approached him, it made him comfortable to talk to me. I was thinking, "Great. Just my luck. I want a f--- buddy and god sends me a virgin." Well, I told him I wasn't looking for the type of commitment that a virgin required. He said that was ok. But then he fell in love with me.
The only thing I wanted was to get married and settle down. I told him from the beginning that I wanted to get married and have more kids and that if he wasn't interested or ready to settle down, then he shouldn't waste my time. But he was persistent. For 2 months he swore he wanted to be with me. I started thinking I was crazy to not give him a chance. He was nice, good looking and seemed sincerely interested in me. He was a great boyfriend and great with my child. The first sign of trouble was right in the beginning. He had trouble coming during sex. We chocked it up to him being used to coming from masturbation. That went on for about 6 months.
Then I discovered he was addicted to porn. He had been spending a LOT of money for memberships to all sorts of porn sites and all the time we spent apart to keep our relationship "healthy" he was spending on the porno sites. I was really annoyed because as his addiction got worse, so did our sex life. Then he agreed to stop. Then he couldn't stop so we went to couples' counseling. He was able to stop the porn. (I know this for a fact because I had put on a program on the computer to see if he was doing it compulsively and he wasn't.) We decided 2 years into the relationship to buy a house together. We figured even if we broke up, we could sell it and walk away with equity and just split it down the middle. A month after we bought the house, he proposed. It is something we had casually talked about. Mostly because I told him in the beginning of the relationship that I wanted to be in a relationship that was going to go somewhere.
We discussed our lack of sex life several times throughout the relationship and he even agreed to seek professional help, but it didn't work. I even told him right before the wedding that I was considering a prenup that protected me in the event that I had an affair due to lack of sex that led to a divorce. I didn't feel it was fair to punish me or withhold alimony if he wasn't willing to keep me satisfied. In the end though, I didn't get a prenup. He promised me that he would be a good husband and that he wouldn't deny me sex during our marraige. Part of me also felt that if I could live with the reduced sex life we had for 4 years, I should be able to continue to be faithful for our marraige. It may not be a "lot" but it must be "enough" since I hadn't strayed.
Also, during this time, we found out I had medical issues and that I needed to get pregnant soon if I wanted to have more children. For 2 years (before and after our wedding) we tried to concieve. Six months after our wedding, I found out I was pregnant. We were very excited but a little nervous too. Having a baby made everything very very permanent. Being pregnant, my sex drive tripled, but our sex life remained the same- barely existent. Then I miscarried. I couldn't have sex for 6 weeks after. He didn't care about that at all. Then, the 6 weeks were up, but he still didn't want sex. He wasn't acting depressed about the baby or anything, I even asked him if he was ok. But he still didn't want sex.
We have been married now for almost a year. We have sex about once a month. I almost never orgasm. We have sex missionary position almost every time. He doesn't like to go down on me. He finishes and then sits in the bathroom for half an hour. Last night we had sex and he seemed to be getting tired. He said he was "waiting for me" so I suggested he touch me during sex and then he just ignored that request, came and went into the bathroom as usual. I was clearly upset and so when he finally came out of the bathroom he said "sorry". He said he didn't do it because he thought he could satisfy me without the extra effort. In all of two minutes after he said he was waiting for me, that is. I think he was lying and just doesn't care if I am satisfied.
In short, I am hornier than ever, but almost never get any satisfaction from my husband. I have opportunities left and right to have affairs. I am desperate for some good sex after years of frustration. I am sick of masturbation. It just depresses me more. On the other hand, I feel he doesn't deserve to be cheated on and I want to have a baby before my medical problems make it impossible. I have even discussed bringing the porn into the bedroom, bringing in another woman or man, I have threatened to leave him, or have an affair (one time I even left for 2 hours after a fight saying I was going out to get laid-he never even called to convince me not to nor did he ask if I had gone and had sex). I ask him how he feels and he says he doesn't want me to cheat on him, he doesn't want a divorce, he wants to be better but refuses to go to talk to a Dr. or a counselor. Financially getting divorced would be even more difficult now, because I lost my job recently. I feel so trapped! I don't WANT to have sex with someone else. I want to have sex with my HUSBAND. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!