Never put friends before your husbands

Only problem is when your husband doesn't put YOU above his friends...

NEVER put your children before your husband? Really? That statement cannot stand alone. What does that mean exactly?

If you can't put your (minor) children first, then don't have children. They are not independent & they have certain rights. For instance, if your children & your husband are both sick, you give the medicine to your children first, because really, your husband could get it for himself & your children literally cannot.

When I was a child, my teen-age cousin was sexually molested by her step-father. My aunt "put her husband first." She "protected" her daughter by sending her to live with a relative. This always has & always will disgust me.

I'm guessing & hoping that such examples were not considered when people say "always put your husband first."

Personally, I think the advice should be more general. You should prioritize the people in your life who are most worthy of your effort. This isn't about "owing someone a favor." Ask yourself who brings the most to your life & which relationship you most want to keep. Don't give your effort to the "squeeky wheel" or the "drama queen" who's most likely to leave. Don't take anyone important to you for granted.

That said, if the person who's most deserving of your effort ISN'T your spouse, then that's a huge red flag, & maybe it's time to end the marriage (which I do not say lightly).

I'm sorry but my son is numero uno in my life...if I had to choose to either lose my husband or my sone, hubby's gettin the boot

most of my friends are fat unemployed moochers that I dont want to hang around with anyhow... so I'd put any man before any of those heffers anyway :)

Wow..is the "sisterhood" more important than "family". Looks the the uber feminists thinks so...ridiculous. Sad.

I'm going to be blunt about this: your husband IS supposed to be your best friend. Someone who you can confide in, go to when you have a problem, trust implicitly, and not just be a lover.

Somebody wanna explain to me why you "just can never tell" with your spouse, but your friends are supposedly infallable? So your friend has never flaked out or disappointed you? And if anyone's planning on saying "well that means they're not REALLY your friend", don't bother. That's what's called the "No True Scotsman" fallacy.

Oh you CAN put kids or others before your spouse but then it isn't going to give them what they need. You can mistreat anyone, but it doesn't mean their going to like it. Kids will take your attention first if you "let them" everytime, but kids, like anyone else, need to learn priorites. Doesn't mean you don't take excellent care of them, but what happens is too many spouses, give so much to their kids, they haven't enough left for their spouse. Being a spouse isn't temporary, it's a career for most of us. Wondering why your spouse "looked at someone else" , only highlights this. Sure you got to maintain a balance, duh, but if your spouse is consistently number 2, then it isn't a marriage. I don't care if you a man or woman, your spouse, is your highest priority. You can be a great dad or a great mother and your kids not take all you got, so you have enough left for your spouse. I've seen it for years, parents thinking they got to do everything for their kids because of "what will others think" then when they get served divorce papers, they tell everyone he/she was selfish and wanted ALL the attention. Not the case most of the time either. Always save enough for your spouse, always!

Angelic, putting your husband first means this: you need to nurture your marriage. Your marriage is the foundation of your family unit. If that foundation is weak or has cracks then that affects the whole unit. If your marriage isn't healthy then it trickles down to your family ie., kids. So many mothers I have noticed put their kids first. They let them take over the bed and ultimately the husband ends up on the couch. When do you have adult time when you allow your children to be in the middle of you two? And so many wonder why their husbands have envy of the children and run out an cheat. Well, it's because you have replaced him with your little precious angles **sacrasm**. It doesn't mean that you love him more. You love him the most in that romantic way and you love them the most in familial way. And it goes the other way around as well. I am not a Bible thumper, and I know that not all people are religious, but if you follow scripture then you know that once you are married you are to become as one. So, that means you two love each other as much as yourselves. If you can't properly love yourself how can you properly love someone else?

TS, what they mean by never put your children before your husband is that your husband's needs and wants come before the children's wants. Are you going to drop everything for your kids because they want to go skateboarding RIGHT NOW, or are you going to spend time with your husband who wants and needs your attention? They are not talking about children being molested.

I completely agree. Your husband should be your best friend, why else would you marry that person?

"True friends are those who will always rally round when you are in trouble, or sick....But with your partner, you just never can tell."

Um, that should be the other way around. How can you lay down with someone every single day and not be sure of their character?? That doesn't make sense to me.

And another thing: TRUE friends will be understanding of WHY your husband/family should come first. And if they aren't...you need to reevaluate your "friendship", becuase if the shoe was on the other foot I bet that friend would put her husband first.... I'm just saying.

Never put children before your husband. So much of this goes on - what the professionals call "Triangulation" It's mom & kids teamed up against dad. How many weeks; or days before he leaves?

Since my husband is a long-haul truck driver and not home all the time, I always put him first. I've cancelled many plans at the last minute because he suddenly had a run that brought him home. This is what has made our marriage successful despite the time spent apart. the funny thing is when he had an "at home" job and I didn't value my time with him and put friends first that was when we had problems in our marriage. I know I will never make that mistake again. If you want a good marriage you have to put into it what you want out of it.

I saw this comment from the original article and it said it much better than I could:

Okay, let's get to the heart of this matter. Would you treat your "best friend" the way you treat your husband? Yelling, chastising, silent treatment, "the face", and expect them to put up with it? No. Try treating your husband as the best friend he is to you, and be the friend he needs. Notice how he overlooks your misteps the way you overlook his. Now that's what I call a real friend. Try calling your outside friends names, get angry all the time, expect them the worship the ground you walk on....do you really have any friends? Only if it's your husband.
- Laura, Location, somewhere, 30/8/2011 07:34

"When a person gets married, they should be marrying their best friend, and when they do, that person becomes like family."

That person IS famliy, not like family. At least my husband is anyway.

"But with your partner, you just never can tell."

I agree with a PP, if this is the case then you are with the wrong person. I know my husband will be there for me in every way imaginable. I have no doubt what-so-ever.

ppffffftttt...lololol!!!

Really? Ladies do you really need somebody to tell you this?

If you can "just never tell" with your spouse, why are you with that person?

Some of you idiots are taking that kid line too literal. You don't HAVE to put your husband before your kids. But it is wise to continue to nurture the marriage well after the kids are born. It can be as simple as finding the time to have a romantic dinner together. Or letting the kids know that Mom and Dad need "alone time". Nobody is saying if it was life or death pick the husband over the kids. Get a frigging clue.

"Rather you should MARRY someone because YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM IN YOUR LIFE. Big difference. Be careful who you decide to share your life with in marriage. My sister's best friend stole her husband. Be careful."

Very well put, La, and as for your sister - I am very sorry lost her husband that way - which is why I routinely say, the worst thing a woman can do, is to introduce her husband to her girlfriends. I'll even go so far as to say, the woman should not introduce her then-boyfriend to her girlfriends, either. See I never did that with my husband even though I would always get asked by women I knew and worked with, "Can I meet your husband?" and I would respond with "Why?" they shut up very quickly after that.

My ex once told me, when I asked her why she thought it was ok to take everything out on me and put me second to her family, friends, the cats, her hobbies etc, that it was OK because I loved her and she knew I would always forgive her...

I'm not gonna say that was the final straw that caused the divorce, as she's the one who finally left but it was the main contributer to undermining my feelings for her over 12 years of relationship. You do keep forgiving but every time it happens it nibbles away a little more at your love and desire to be with that person until you start to wonder why you're even there.