When is a nice guy enough?
By Rosie Munger for BounceBack.com
Amiable. Good-natured. Kind. Who wouldn't want to be with a guy who has these qualities? Unfortunately, there are many of us who still chase the elusive, fire-breathing dragons, only to have to figure out how to be a phoenix once the fire has been put out. At some point, the madness has to stop! So long to the "bad boys" and "Mr. Right Nows" - the time comes when we're ready for the "nice" guy. You're feeling bored already, aren't you? Yet, you're ready to settle down…
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Ladies, here's the catch, brought to us by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine's "Into the Woods": "Nice is different than good." We've been looking for the wrong attribute all along. A "nice" person can still be dishonest or may not be ready to settle down. Moreover, any girl who's been in a sorority will tell you that "nice" means nothing - it lacks any real description, which is why it's banned from use during rush. So, let's reframe what to look for when you're ready to have a lasting relationship!
5 must-haves in a long-term partner:
1. He's good. Not only does he know the difference between right and wrong, he chooses the path that causes the least amount of harm. He treats you well because he treats everyone well - it's not an anomaly of his character. He is genuine and caring.
2. He is built from strong stock. His strength is apparent. He handles his own life with ease and knows how to bounce back from personal crises. He also knows how to support you if anything knocks you down. He does not run when the going gets tough - he confronts situations and stays in control, refusing to be a victim of circumstances. This is the guy who will stick with you and who will put in the effort to maintain a quality relationship, even after decades of marriage.
3. He turns you on in a variety of ways. Smart, Sexy, Funny - just because a guy is great doesn't mean he cannot be all of these things. Never forget this. He may not be as mysterious as the next guy, but look at all the things he is! If he has the qualities you claim to want, be happy with that. Don't go looking for them in someone else merely because it proves a challenge to find them.
4. He's ready for commitment. It does not matter how wonderful someone is; if he is not ready for a long-term relationship, the odds of having one are very slim. This is most likely the key reason why "bad boys" break your heart.
5. He won't wait for you forever. One of the real reasons we don't go for the "nice" guy? He can be a pushover, which signals a lack of self-respect. While it's important to be with someone who makes you a priority in his life (one of a few, hopefully) he should have the gumption to stand up for himself when he's not being treated well.
Back to the original question: when is a "nice guy" enough? The answer is surprising: never. It's not enough because it is not truly what we seek when we are ready for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. You know what? Chances are that if you do find a guy who satisfies the above requirements, he'll also be "nice."
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