novoIn the middle of our courtship, my then-boyfriend (now-husband) had no shame in telling me one day, "I don't need you; I want you." While some people might find this statement a little unromantic, to say the least, I took it as a compliment.
You see, I was in a similar place in my life. I finally felt whole on my own. And completely understood what Benny was trying to say. Perhaps it would have been better said in some sort of poem with a happy ending or something? But, nonetheless, I could see him.
The idea that we are little, sad, incomplete souls is a legend that we can thank Jerry Maguire for bringing to the mainstream. I admit, there was a time I believed this stuff.
But then I thought about it:
So, I'm a fragmented soul and I'll meet another fragmented soul. Together we'll make a whole. But what happens when one soul patches itself up a bit and outgrows the other? We no longer fit to make one complete circle. So, is that it? Am I just totally out of luck for the rest of my life? How dramatic, and, um, so unrealistic.
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Now, I believe that the road will always be smoother for two circles that roll side by side. Two broken halves that have to depend on each other to roll will undoubtedly experience more bumps throughout the path - some that might even break them and compromise their union as a whole.
Funny enough, we are born perfect wholes. But as we go on through life our mean, little ego tells us otherwise. It's our responsibility to unlearn its fearful programming. What exactly does it sound like? Oh, you know, it likes to tell us that our happiness is outside and in the hands of another person. Or it will say, "You'll be happy when…" And that, my friends, is a big no-no. Happiness always comes from within, and it can be tapped into at any time.
Yes, of course, a partner should be a source of happiness. But they should not be the only source. Remind yourself of your whole-liness by becoming more aware of what's going on inside. Pay attention, be curious, and chose to be happy right now. Find happiness that already exists in your life, and you're sure to attract more. Anything that doesn't make you happy, kick it.
As an avid fan of romantic comedies, it's hard for me to tell you this, but don't wait for a partner to make you happy. When we depend on someone or something to make us happy, we'll always be disappointed. It's just too much pressure to put on another person! And it just leaves us feeling powerless.
Commit to making yourself happy right now, from exactly where you are. And by the way, you can still be happy now and look forward to an awesome partner that will undoubtedly come if you do the work and believe. So don't fret about becoming too whole. There's nothing wrong with looking forward. The problem is when you can't wait.
Soon enough, you'll be in such a great place that you'll attract that partner. He/she will mirror your whole-iness, because you worked towards that, and in response, you attracted the same thing. So, toss the Band-Aids! You got yourself a whole.
-By Nikki Novo
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