Out of the Woods: Is it a relief that Elin and Tiger's divorce is final?

When the news broke that the car crash that led to a 911 call that unleashed the media who revealed that the wholesome-packaged golf phenom Tiger Woods was having affairs in the plural, I was on it. I wrote, in what I intended to be a compassionate plea, asking people to steer clear of judging Elin Nordegren, to avoid harshly debating whether she should stay in her marriage or flee. I said I thought we should support the quiet wife of this superstar athlete in doing what it was she needed to do to be the healthiest possible woman and mother during a marriage crisis and media circus.

And I meant it. When a celebrity male is caught cheating, why do we immediately look to the betrayed wife and make sweeping assumptions and accusations as soon as she stands next to him at the podium during the inevitable press conference or walks, presumably with a Barbara Walters interview to soon follow?

Eyes are rolled at the person cheating and then judgments made of the spouse. And while these things are always complicated, it seems like one more victimization added to a big pile of infidelity and lying and God only knows what else. I would so much rather use our powers for good, for the people calling in to Larry King and tweeting with Ryan Seacrest and posting on People.com to send good thoughts and positive energy toward the person who really has to pick up the pieces, not pick her (and let's be honest, it's most often a her) apart for choosing to see a marriage counselor or divorce attorney.

That said -- and I will likely get panned for this -- I admit that I am relieved to read that Elin and Tiger's divorce is final. After months of intensive therapy and trying to mend so many broken things, she's no longer officially Mrs. Woods. And I'm glad to hear that.

I wouldn't have criticized her for staying longer or forever. I might not have understood it, but I don't live in their marriage. I seriously considered staying in my marriage for things I never, ever thought I would tolerate. I felt that I had to do my family the service of thinking about it, of trying as hard as I could, of really exploring my own boundaries of trust and forgiveness and love. In the end, I left and had my own divorce finalized, not with any media coverage or public revelation of settlement numbers or much more than a glass of champagne at a steakhouse with my parents. But after the hell that was separation and divorce and court and a parenting agreement and continued custody issues, I would never, ever wish that on anyone. And I don't think I could wag a finger at a woman who was willing to continue on in her marriage or who didn't take the step of considering or counseling before she closed the door to the family home behind her. Limits, like marriages, are personal, private, and our own to handle, whether poorly or well, with humbleness or with outrageous ego, in the spotlight or in quiet corners, in sickness and in health.

Now that the divorce has been decreed and Elin, who has been quieter than perhaps any other celebrity's wife in this kind of situation, has said that she has survived a hell that "was hard, but it didn't kill me," I hope she can move on from the life and limbo she's been in with the man who left appalling text and voice messages for his multiple sexual partners.

She says she was completely unaware and felt embarrassed and betrayed by many people. According to Mia Parnevik, wife of pro golfer Jasper Parnevik and former employer of Elin Nordegren, she has chosen not to degrade her now-ex-husband. She's also not revealing the terms of their divorce settlement and says vaguely that "forgiveness takes time."

What she does say decisively is that violence was not a part of the early morning hours on that fateful Friday after last Thanksgiving.

"This was one of the things I had the hardest time with people thinking. There was never any violence inside or outside our home. The speculation that I would have used a golf club to hit him is just truly ridiculous," she told People.

She's also clear that her wedding day nearly six years ago was one of the happiest days of her life, that she believes Tiger will go on to be recognized as "the best golfer that ever lived", that she hasn't watched golf in a while, and that (despite rumors of a $100 million dollar settlement) "money can't buy happiness or put my family back together."

She's holding on to a lot, or so it seems from this one interview she granted with People without financial compensation, and it appears to be real, healing, and on a path that does not lead to gold jackets and greens. Or maybe that's just how I am reading it, with hope and with well wishes and a deep exhale.

She had lots of choices. No matter what prompted it or who filed first or how the process went down, she consented. She said yes, signed her name, walked away. That, I hope, is a very good place for a new story about Elin Nordegren -- not Tiger this time -- to start.



Put the cleats on: If you were Elin Nordegren's friend, would you be relieved that the divorce is final? Or would you have advised her to stay?

[photo credit: Reuters via Yahoo! News]