If you ask a married person if the behaviors that annoy them about their spouse were present before they got married chances are, after a moment or two of thought, they will say yes. In many cases, while dating we are overflowing with butterflies in our bellies and happy thoughts and as a result we choose to ignore the annoying behaviors. Sometimes we even go so far as to convince ourselves that whatever we don't like too much will somehow change once things get more serious. However, it is likely the behavior won't stop. In fact it might even get worse, more annoying and if you allow it, a distraction from the 100 other things that you actually do like about the person you decided to date for the rest of your life.
Recently Your Tango gave readers some advice to help you determine whether or not he's "good husband material." The advice is applicable to all romantic relationships especially when giving some thought as to whether or not you want the person you are dating to become a permanent fixture in your life.
"If you want a quality man for a lifelong husband, then accept him for who he is today, not who he might be in the future."
It's that simple. But the advice doesn't end there. Teresa Maples, the expert behind the article states that you want someone who is open to growth and change as a person. Many of us have learned the hard way that assuming the other person is going to change is basically a way of telling yourself that you are open to disappointment hence the key words: open to change.
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Maples also notes that one should pay attention to the habits of the person they are dating all the while remembering that they have annoying habits too.
Accepting the person you are with for who they are today is a simple statement with great meaning. In a world where so many people are chasing acceptance, what could be more of a beautiful gift to give to the person you love than to say I accept you for you. What a wonderful gift to be on the receiving end of.
This advice for those dating is a reminder for married folks too. There is no guarantee that someone will change to meet your idea of who they should be. And really who would want to spend their life with someone who wasn't willing to look beyond quirks and habits in order to see that you are more than your predisposition to leave your sweater wherever you take it off (as opposed to hanging it up), or the fact that you snored? Also, give your spouse a break because you may not think so but you're also annoying sometimes.
The fact that you two made a decision to grow as individuals together should speak to the fact that he or she is a keeper. The fact that you are actually doing it - even more of a reason to celebrate that you've got yourself a good one. For more expert advice when it comes to determining if he's "husband material" visit Your Tango.
-By Krishann Briscoe
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