deadline for dumping. We asked Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Rosenthal, authors of the hilarious advice book "Dumped," for their wisdom on knowing when to move on, getting over a break up, and most importantly, taking care of yourself.
Is Valentine's Day actually a popular day to get dumped?
Caryn: I have heard of people getting dumped the day before Valentine's Day.
Maryjane: Yeah, so that the guys don't have to give presents.
C: There is a lot of pressure on Valentine's Day. One guy made a date with me on Thursday and then he realized what day it was and he totally cancelled.
MJ: Also, right before the holidays is a really popular time to get dumped, for the same reasons.
What are your ideas for fun things for single ladies to do on Valentine's Day?
C: We're having a party on the 13th and we're encouraging women to do the same. Party with your friends! Celebrate yourselves!
MJ: Don't stress about it, don't stress about having a date.
What's the worst break-up story you have?
C: My first love. When he drove me to dump him I thought, I'll never get over this. I felt like I had lost my arm. I was very young and he was my best friend.
MJ: My last breakup. We were together for seven years and I didn't see the breakup coming. I had to relearn how to live. At first, it's total devastation. Looking back on it, you say, he wasn't giving me what I needed, but in the beginning it's difficult to see that.
C: Most of the time things don't go down with malicious intent. It's more a question of benign neglect. We act surprised, but in fact, you knew it was coming. You knew you weren't happy.
MJ: I just was scared of being out there.
C: Life is all about risks. You have to take a chance.
Maryjane, I loved how you wrote in the book that the first thing you did was buy an orange couch after your break-up. What other cathartic activities do you recommend?
MJ: My thing was really to de-clutter, to get rid of anything that was his and to celebrate who I am. I needed my home to be mine again. You also want to de-clutter him from your digital network. No more chatting, no more sleeping with him.
C: Say yes to everything. Take care of yourself and hang out with your friends.
MJ: Men move on immediately. We say, get to a good place before you move on to another relationship. Get in touch with you.
Apparently, lots of teenagers are having sex with their ex-es. Why is this such a no-no?
C: It’s just not good for your self-respect. And I think these kids need to slow down.
MJ: It puts you in a bad place.
C: "Dumped" should be required reading – we need to empower this next generation.
What do men want for Valentine's Day?
C: You're his present!
MJ: Wear something sexy, put on some candlelight and enjoy yourself.
C: Done. Done.
MJ: Why go to a restaurant, they're packed!
You guys emphasize travel in your book – any advice for single women traveling alone?
C: We have a list of safe and beautiful spots for women to travel to alone to in the book. But when traveling solo, use your head, you have to be safe.
MJ: The importance of travel is to just get some space and some me time.
C: I go to a little river town by train, it doesn't have to be so far away – it can be a day trip out of the city. It's lovely to get out and see nature – it doesn't have to be expensive, either.
MJ: I wanted to do all the things that my-ex wouldn't do.
What are the five biggest red flags that your man is a jerk?
1. You aren’t having sex
2. He never tells you you're attractive
3. He never tells you he loves you
4. You can't get in touch with him when he’s out of town
5. He's rolling your eyes when you're talking to him
6. He cancels plans all the time
C: It takes a lot to come to terms with red flags and to not be in denial. Follow your gut and have the balls to walk out.
MJ: Learn not to accept any crumbs.
C: We want the whole loaf.
What advice would you give to single women in their late 20s/early 30s looking for love?
C: I would say to these women, don't look so hard. Focus on yourself. You need to have self-esteem. Own it, own your sexuality, and know that you deserve the world.
MJ: I would say, don't have such a strict agenda. Don't go in there wanting a baby in seven to nine months.
C: You just can't control everything.
MJ: Your timeline is going to sabotage everything you want in life. Raise your standards.
C: Communicate, communicate. Don't ever be afraid to say what you want.
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