Poll: If a Guy Splits the Bill on the First Date, Is He Un-Dateable?

Posted by Tabiwent 9 hours 26 minutes ago

"It is a HUGE deal breaker. This is not just about a tab. Its about the way he approaches and sees situations. If you end up in a realtionship with this guy and (God forbid) marry him you will forever destined to a life of this type of cheap skate nickle dick behavior. This is the guy that will count every penny he puts into the "joint account" as "his" and everything you put in as yours. So even if you go out and buy something for bith of you like a nice set of towels he will stilll think that he can spend "his money" on an over priced new vido game or what ever he wants. You dont want a guy who walks around with a mental calculator. A woman wants and needs a guy who is happy and wants to give her what he can, be it a dinner for two at Denny's or Chez Panisse. Someday you may be busy bearing his child. Do you want to be home nursing a baby, and unable to spend "his money" unless you fill out the appropriate request form? This person lacks the generous heart that makes relationships work. If you are in a relationship with a joyless "Derwood" dump his cheapskate ass now. Cross him off the list. You can go through life with a nit-pining, anal retentive, coin counter like that. You deserve better."

So...a man who lives with "joy" is one who spends his money getting a woman what SHE wants, and never gets what HE wants. Okay, gotcha. Very fair and equitable.

How about I spend my money on what I want and don't live with some screeching half-wit user yelling insults constantly because she doesn't get her own way all the time?

Now THAT'S joy. :)

If you date me, you have to prove your worth before I spend a dime on you. That simple.

Signed,

an ex-romantic who used to buy flowers but found out it generally backfires

So women want equal rights as men but still want the values that they should be pampered? Can't have it both ways. I don't see any of them saying they shouldn't get an engagement ring cause it's insulting.I could understand a guy paying the bill the first few times while they're getting used to each other, but after that girls can pay too.

Did he not ask you out? Yes so let him pay. This is a non-question (ironic that I'm answering it!!!) Women allow men to get away with murder then ask why he has no respect for her as time progresses.

In this case, I don't think that it should be a deal breaker since she made the offer to split the bill. However, if a man asked me out on a date then I would NOT be expecting to pay for any part of the date. If he mentions to me that I would be responsible for paying my own meal on our first date then yes, that would be a deal breaker for me. That would indicate to me that he isn't too interested in impressing me so I must not be worth his time or effort. I would also have the fear that he'd be the type of cheap skate that would keep a mental (or worse, verbal) tab of how much he had spent on me through out the course of our relationship. I am not, by any means, unable or opposed to pay for myself or the both of us if I wanted to take him somewhere. I would never even go out with a guy without bring any money with me. It just seems to me that if you ask someone for the pleasure of their company, then it is your responsibility to show them a good time. Same goes if the shoe was on the other foot and she asked him out instead. I love that I am with a man who is comfortable with my independence and would care for me if I couldn't be as I would do for him.

so women fight for equality so why should they men have to pay for everything, that does not sound very fair. I think who ever invites has to pay.

All I know is that sharing is caring.

i used to be the person who would rather split checks ALWAYS b/c that way if we ever broke up i didn't feel as if I owed him something, now with getting married in just under 8wks, it doesn't cross my mind, we take turns paying just b/c one of us may have more money at the time than the other...like I'll get paid this weekend...and next weekend at the beach he's going to cover it.

This is Ridiculous! She can't be complaining when it was HER idea to split the check. Maybe he thought then it would offend her if he presumed to pay for the whole date. If she wanted him to pay, she should not have offered to herself. But This Is 2010; we all should be equals in our relationship. I love when my boyfriend takes me out to dinner, it makes me feel good. I want to give him the same feeling I get so next time I'll take HIM out for dinner. Who am I to say too that if 50% of his paycheck every month doesn't go towards something for me that he's undateable?! The situation is further complicated by the fact that it's a first date, she can't tell him it would make her feel really special to be treated; you barely know each other at that point.

Why is it always men have to be generous do we need to buy a womens company they act like we owe them for going on a date with us . Women these days only worry about how much money you earn and how well it will benefit themselves.Women wanted there equal rights to work and earn there own money so then open your wallets for a change.

Woman seam to never want to take responsibility when it comes to dating. They want all these things but never feel that they should have to ask for any of it, but always expect it. They will make all kinds of vain attempts just to make it look like they tired, but in reality they have no real intentions to actually follow through and then blame it on the guy for not being a gentleman when they are being very deceitful themselves by wanting one thing but acting like they don't.

How about giving the guy some common courtesy & respect and being honest about your expectations & wants. When you have the integrity to say what you mean and mean what you say, maybe then you will get the respect & treatment from the guy your wanting. How is a guy supposed to know if your an old fashion traditional woman or a modern independent woman out of the millions of other woman out there...? You need to communicate your feelings clearly and not throw mix signals out. How can you expect a guy to understand you if your playing these childish games?

How many times of back and forth of; "no I got it", No I got it", No I insitst, No its my treat, No please let me pay, No I asked you out, no, You can pay next time, lets split it,...." does there have to be? Does a guy need to go out of his way just to avoid this stupid game and just excuss himself after the meal and go pay for it far away from the woman so she doesn't have an opportunity to offer? The only other thing is to just give the waitress/waiter your credit card before you even order and see what kind woman your with. Have the discussion then.

Your friend should have never offered to pay half if she didn't mean it.
Men tend to take people at the word. I guy would not offer to pay half unless he was fine with paying half!
My guess is he was impressed by her offering to pay for half.

As far as, "A few extra dollars is a small price to pay for winning the woman of your dreams!" It's only been one date I highly doubt the guy sees her as the girl of his dreams just yet.

Not long ago there was a post that listed signs a woman is not into a guy and one of those signs was "If she offers to pay for half of the meal or pays for the whole thing." It's her way of saying (she doesn't consider it to be a date) and she's splitting the bill just as she would do with a girlfriend.

I'd also agree with Vodwine as to wondering why your friend is asking YOU if something is a “deal breaker”. Each of us sets up our own deal breaker list. In the future you should tell your friend if she doesn't want to do something then don't offer to do it!

Seeing as SHE offered to share the bill, there is nothing wrong with the bill shared. As a matter of fact, HE probably thinks that she is generous and thoughtful for thinking of him and offering to pay her share. If she didn't actually want to pay up, then she should never have offered, and to punish him for accepting her offer is just wrong.

How does this question even come up? It's not a question of "equal rights!" This is a question of common courtesy! If I ask someone out, I expect to pick up the whole tab. I would never dream of asking someone out to dinner or an event, and expect them to pay for it. That is simply poor planning on the part of the host. Why would someone do that? On the other hand, if you make the offer to pay or split the bill, you should be sincere!

Deal breaker? I saw one. When the woman was a phoney about paying her half of the bill in order to "test" her date. He should run from this game-playing woman who probably feels self-entitled to have a "generous" man. And the author? Wow, so you're also another brain-washed menu-feminist too? Testing a man's generosity on a first date? LOL A quality man will not spend too much too fast because of women like the author and her pal. We run from women like these.

You have got to be kidding me! And women wonder why men constantly complain that ALL women are just gold diggers! I'm sure the man your friend went out on a date with worked just as hard for his wages as your friend. Why should he be obligated to shell out any of his hard earn money any more than she is obligated?

I recently read another article on this topic where most of the women in the panel stated they would prefer that the man pays for everything even if the woman made more money. How does that make any sense? Women have fought so hard for equal rights and equal pay but at the end of the day we are all still looking for a strong, rich man to take care of us? Wake up! Being treated equally means EQUALLY. Please look the word up in the dictionary.

One of the hardest thing for a woman to do, is to transition from the adolescent realm of fairyland, to the reality of what the reality of life entails. You said that your old-fashioned, an that you would find that unromantic. She offered, an he accepted, during the reality of a protracted era of societal recession. Things change, an as they do, so do the past norms. The requisites of yesterday, are uni-based, an subjective, as two the open idea of sharing expenses, in order to seek the trade-off of what is real, an the gamesmanship of what a fairytale romance has to offer. The pedestal era is slowly finding itself passe. Undateable? Because of an idea that you borrowed from your mother? Please! This day an age, the economics of life have taken a deep recessive drop, across microeconomic boundaries, an if a woman doesn't understand those facts, some popcorn an a netflix should be her alternate plan "B". Guys aren't feeding into that ideal, like women anticipate, any longer. They can't afford it. Period! You have rent? He has rent. You have gas and electric? So does he. You have the upkeep of a vehicle, food, clothes, savings, and a bit of disposable income? Yup, him too. Stingy? No, that's not what's happening here. Real estate values have hit rock bottom, an the price of rent is on the upswing. One more thing,....there are 85 men,..for every 100+ women all across America, an in some areas, the disparity is very much greater, therefore the advantages for men seem a whole lot greater, than they used to be, before women liberation. Some women want equal footing, in all aspect of our American society, an yet still want to play the fairytale card, when it comes to dating,...an spending "HIS" money..Nope. To share the time, the cost, the mutual interest, the benefits of each others company, an the reward of having an equal say in any matter,..share the bill, too. There is no free lunch. If you want him, show him how much. If he wants you, he will show you how much. The only way that one wouldn't agree with this model, is because of the past perceptions. Well, everyone knows that the root of perception,..is deception...just a thought..

deal breaker to split the bill? Women's rights only applies to advantages? I got rejected once by a so-called liberated woman once because of NEEDING to split the bill. I had a low paying job, lived in an over-priced area, had child support payments and she had a job and no kids. I was barely making ends meet, but did she care? I even explained my situation but all she could say was "you're not very romantic". I suppose I was lucky to find out her shallowness from the start rather than waste future time.

I say it is a deal breaker... Don't date him again..

It's not a MUST but I'd rather be with a man you WANTS to pay for me at the begining (during courtship) even if I offer to pay.
To all the people who say it's 2010 - please remember, it's not about that. If your man didn't pay for you it doesn't mean no one else should expect it.