Today, one of our Smitten readers has a controversial question: Should she cheat on her boyfriend? Hear her reasoning, and weigh in, after the jump...
Here's our reader's story...
I've now been with my boyfriend for six years. We bought a house together and got engaged this fall, and we're happy and in love.
But here's the catch: Back in college, I met Jim. We had intense chemistry, but we were both in relationships. We stayed friends, and we still talk all the time. Honestly, we're still hung up on each other, even though we're both in serious relationships and live in different cities. I think we both want to know what might happen. I KNOW that sleeping with him is a selfish and horrible thing to even consider. But he wants to meet up soon and it's implied that we'll be doing more than having dinner.
I've been thinking about this for years. I know what I would like to do. I know what I should not do. But I don't know what I will do.
Would you and the Smitten readers meet up with "the one who got away"? What if the meeting led to sex? Has anyone gone through this? If they did cheat, did it resolve anything or just make things more complicated?
Here's my answer...
My dear, thanks for your question! This dilemma has been on your mind for ages, and you're not a terrible person for thinking it. I once read that you can think anything you want--your most evil or intense or sketchy thoughts--since it's all in your mind and can't hurt anybody. It's what you say and do that matters.
So here's my answer: Don't do it. I totally, totally understand that you have this intense attraction and curiosity about Jim, and that can be so compelling. But what would happen if you did enjoy sleeping together (which you most likely would, because it's forbidden and extra exciting)? Would you really leave your fiance, would he really leave his girlfriend, would you really move to be together, would it really live happily ever after? No, more likely, it would be complicated and stressful. You would both be riddled with guilt, you'd resent each other, you might stop talking to each other, you'd have a secret from your fiance, you'd toss and turn over telling your partner, you'd wish you hadn't done it.
Your being drawn to Jim right now might have more to do with your being nervous about getting married or feeling restless after being with your fiance for so many years. You could make a list of all the things you love about your fiance; you could talk to him about your future to make sure you are completely on the same page; you could spice up your sex life in fun and playful ways.
Overall, if you resist your attraction to Jim, you'll feel good about yourself. You'll feel confident and strong. It feels great to be able to go on the right path and not hurt anyone, including yourself. You'll be proud of yourself and feel instinctually closer to your fiance. You deserve that.
My sweet readers, please weigh in! Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think this reader should do? I'd love to hear your thoughts...
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