Ryan Who? the 5 Celebs Crushes of "Real" Women

The 5 Celebrity Crushes My Husband Should Feel Threatened ByI've been married for almost eight years, and even though I adore my husband and would never cheat on him (because let's face it, I haven't exactly kept things in showroom ready condition), he still gets jealous when he walks in to find me watching Stripes. Not The Notebook or Magic Mike… Stripes.

I've never been the traditional-beauty type. Dismissing Kirk Cameron and Corey Haim for Danny from NKOTB and Tom Hanks' redheaded friend from Big. This made for less tear out posters from Tiger Beat and me being the only girl scribbling Mrs. Jared Rushton on her Trapper Keeper.

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My infatuation with the quirky continues to this day, and honestly, I think it makes my husband a little insecure. It's unrealistic that Ryan Gosling will show up craving a thirty-one year old chubby girl with a childbirth-induced incontinence issue, but -- because my celebrity crushes are a bit more non-traditional -- my hubby gets a little bit ruffled when he catches me drooling over men that he feels like I could potentially actually leave him for.

Here's a list of the 5 celebrities he should be most worried about:

Bill Murray: Every year, the top three items on my Christmas list are always the same. Travel to Greece. World peace. Record a slo-mo entrance with Bill Murray. Last year I got a KitchenAid mixer. There is just something about this man. He's made me laugh for three decades, and last time Andy and I role-played in the bedroom, well… let's just say Ghostbusters' Dr. Venkman had to use his proton pack.

Adam Sandler: This man can do no wrong. Okay fine, Little Nicky and Jack & Jill are questionable, but everything else -- brilliant. He reels me in with his immature humor and off-beat looks. He's loyal to his Schlub Pack of guys, and every movie feels like I'm hanging out with friends making fart jokes and drinking too much. Sometimes he's chubby. Sometimes he shows up in sweatpants. Sometimes he makes fun of old people. And all I can think is, "Me too, dude. Let's be soul mates."

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Alan Rickman: The early 2000s were a banner time for me and Alan Rickman. First, he woo'ed me as a brooding potions teacher at a magical wizarding school, and then he seduced me as a loveable but potentially adulterous boss in Love, Actually. By the end of Deathly Hallows Part Two? I was bawling my face off and eating my loss in expired frozen Thin Mints. Always, Rickman. Always.

Tom Selleck: Sometimes I like to pretend that it's still totally okay for guys to have mustaches and ride around in speed boats wearing crazy short neon swim trunks. Of course, that fantasy has me suspending the reality that I, in fact, hate boats of all kinds. And my dad still has a mustache from the 80′s, and no, this is not an Oedipus thing, you guys! Where was I? OMG how hot is Tom Selleck, y'all?

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Steve Martin: "I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in." While most kids my age were watching Fraggle Rock and After School Special, I was watching The Jerk, SNL and Three Amigos. He's a brilliant actor and author, and also, is completely adorable. Does it bug me that he grew out one long nail to play the banjo with? No. Okay yeah kinda, but long nails on dudes are gross.

Humor is clearly my erogenous zone, because I'm sexually drawn to men who make me laugh. Well, except for Tom Selleck, I mean, I just really like his mustache.

- By Brittany Gibbons

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Brittany Gibbons resides in rural Ohio with her husband and three small, suspiciously close together in age, children. She's also that girl at the party making uncomfortable jokes with obscure 90's pop culture references.

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