By SMF Marcus Osborne for GalTime.com
Her: "Well, let's see. Tuesday night - dinner with your family, Wednesday night - we've got our daughter's junior high school play, Thursday night we're supposed to have sex at 9:30."
Even WRITING that feels weird. But apparently, this is one of the modern ways that couples are managing to hit their SOQ's (Sex Occurrence Quotas) and in theory, it's keeping the couple sexually satiated. Does this method really work? I'm serious here: If you're one of these couples who calendars their sex lives, I need to hear from you.
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I've heard about therapists prescribing scheduled sex for couples who are having difficulties with connecting intimately. And I guess I could understand forcing couples, who for whatever reason, have stopped exchanging "O-faces," into a position (no pun intended) where they HAVE to have sex. They want to save the relationship and recapture the magic. I get that.
What I wonder is how can the couple completely enjoy that experience? I'm speaking in a general sense here. I can easily see where it could be kind of fun to schedule a monthly "kinky night." Each month the pair would do a little something different to spice things up a bit in the sack. And I do see where knowing something is going down (again, no pun intended) on a certain date at a certain time might get a few folks salivating with anticipation.
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You know when calendaring sex is really hot? When it's with someone really new or when you know you're trying something different or special during your next session. Otherwise, I say let the chips fall where they may. In a long-term relationship there are going to be times when you two are going at it all the time and other times where it's fairly slow. But I tend to believe that over the course of a relationship, things even out where couples are reaching that 2-3 times a week average.
My guess is that scheduling,would have the unexpected consequence of stripping away (another unintended pun) much of the emotional aspect of being with someone you care about. I would hate to believe that a woman was with me simply because it's a nine PM appointment. Not that it can't still be enjoyable, but the trade-off is that you end up removing a vital component of a sexual relationship-spontaneity. I get two messages from this kind of set up and neither is particularly positive.
1. The couple isn't really sexually attracted to one another. They can "do it" because they've got some history, but if they each had their druthers, they'd probably rather watch snails race than to get nekkid with each other.
2. There's a gap in the opposing sex drives of the couple so this is one alternative.Of course that puts one person in the unenviable position of simply performing out of duty.
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I tend to think both are long-term problems and are likely irreconcilable because obviously, you can't manufacture attraction. And sure a guy could take a pill or woman could take shot to fire up the desire, but bumping up the sex drive doesn't necessarily equate to attraction to each another. It could simply mean that both of you are now all horned up with the only option being each other.
Now, I'm fully acknowledging that each couples' situation is different. Each couple's needs and desires are unique. I'm just unsure what would be the long-term benefit of regularly planned sex…or if there's any benefit at all.
Perhaps this is me being unusually glass-half-empty, but from my perspective, the potential down-side of this arrangement eclipses the potential gains. But that's just me. What do you think? To plan or not to plan?
Send your perspectives, comments, complaints to marcus@galtime.com.
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