If you're a regular around here, you know that we're occasionally presumptuous enough to critique sex tips given out elsewhere on the web. Maybe we like having a dialogue with other advice columnists, or maybe we're just competitive biotches.
Dr. Catherine Hood over at the UK's Mirror answered the above question from a woman looking for Mr. Right this weekend like this:
"I can appreciate your worries. Virginity is a wonderful thing but can seem like a chain holding you back as you get older. The reality is there are many people like yourself and it's admirable that you've decided to wait until you're ready and trust a partner before you have sex. The right man will understand and appreciate you waiting, so being a virgin shouldn't hold you back."
Even if you're in a hurry to play your V-card, we wouldn't recommend auctioning off your virginity like this 22-year-old.
Maybe Hood is being held back by her limited word count, or her fear of getting sued, or her unhealthy obsession with platitudes...
Yes, it's great to wait for the right person for such an important life event. We'd even recommend waiting for love! But if you've made it to your thirties without making at least one serious connection with a like-minded human being--and you want to make this connection--then you've probably got some issues that need to be dealt with in therapy. Do you have some social interaction problem--fatal shyness, insecurity, social ineptness, a mullet--that is preventing you from meeting people? Have you built up sex (and the person who gives it to you) to be this great, big, overwhelming, all-powerful, awe-inspiring ideal that can never be achieved unless the stars are aligned just so? (Prepare to be disappointed.) Are you a sexual person who has sexual desire and masturbates regularly? If not, you may have a hormonal situation that could be dealt with medically, or else perhaps you subscribe to an incredibly repressive religion that guilts the sex drive right out of you. Or perhaps you just think that nice girls don't. (For the record, nice girls do masturbate.) Whatever the case, it's not the virginity holding you back--you're holding you back. And it's going to take some serious self-reflection to get to the bottom of why you're not meeting people you'd even consider doing. Then it's going to take some serious motivation to make the necessary changes to meet people you do want to do. Once you do that, read our advice on whether or not to tell him you're a virgin.
Related: Would you pledge your virginity to your father?
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