How bad is bad sex?
By Virginia Plain for HowAboutWe
Editor's note: Virginia Plain is the pseudonym of a twenty-something woman living in New York with a less than ideal sex life. This is her first post; check back next week for more. How bad is bad sex? To be honest, this wasn't a question I ever considered until recently. It's so terribly easy to explain things away when you're in a long term relationship with someone and you desperately want things to work. You're blind to so much, telling your friends everything's fine, really, until you wake up and realize it isn't.
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Related: 5 Signs She's Faking An OrgasmI decided before broaching the subject with him, it was imperative to talk it over with my very close friends first. While one friend pointed out that I'd complained of things seeming "so vanilla" way back when we first started dating, another friend said something that truly shook me: "You deserve good sex." That seems like the most obvious thing -- like, hey, you deserve oxygen -- but hearing it from someone else really struck a chord. I did deserve good sex. Hell, I was as horny as a jack rabbit, and when you date someone, part of the joy is not having to masturbate all the time. You have a buddy to help you out with that on the regular. Broaching the subject was difficult, but I was galvanized. I wanted to be banged properly, and if we were going to be together he needed to at least meet me halfway. But when I told him how unhappy I was, instead of a torrential rain of apologies and vows to make things better, he passively said he didn't have the sex drive he did when he was younger (he's in his early thirties). He was stunned I wasn't enjoying things. Stunned the sex wasn't good. I was stunned he could think that ejaculating into a girl as soon as she climbed on top of him could qualify as "good." He said he'd go to the doctor.
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Related: 6 Ways To End A Sex DroughtSo my question is, how bad is bad sex? Is it a dealbreaker in a long term relationship? When -- if ever -- do you throw in the towel?