Too-late-to-be-a-spoiler-alert: Bachelor Brad picked single mom Emily to be his Bachelor bride last night. She said yes, then she said maybe later. In another "Bachelor" finale filled with the "most shocking moments in Bachelor history" (that's Chris Harrison-speak for totally normal outcome), Brad and Emily revealed they were supposed to marry last night on live TV but she called it off (watch above).
In "Bachelor" context, surrounded by a Greek Chorus audience of disapproving women, the couple seemed to be in big trouble. Host/therapist Chris even asked Emily why on earth she'd sabotage her own wedding.
Her reasoning was so rational it pulled apart the threads the series is based on. Sure, she's still a little traumatized from losing her first love. But also: She has a kid, she lives in a different city, and she's spent the past three months watching her fiance hook up with other women on TV, a few only days before their engagement. Heck, they haven't even seen each other in a month. Why not just go out for while? What's the rush?
But if you're on this show, marriage is something of a cult. If you're not doing it, you're not 'open,' according to the doctrine of the series. The only way to be free of your psychological self-sabotage is to say your vows in front of 12 Bachelor Pad contestants and the band Train on live TV.
After Brad and Emily caught people up on their relationship status last night, three Bachelor couples who've "made it" were trotted out to offer lame stick-it-out tips to the budding couple. (Ryan, not the brightest bulb, said something about relationships being like boats). The takeaway was clear: get married, brand new couple. Get freaking married!
But why? If there's anything we've learned from celebrities, divorce statistics and other "Bachelor" seasons, it's that quickie engagements and marriages don't have high success rates. Maybe it's time to let every winning couple on the series just seriously date. Let's leave the marriage part to non-reality contestants. We'll still watch the show. Promise.
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