Sister...

My sister, TJ, called me this afternoon. After being here for the wedding, she has decided that she wants to come for a longer visit. I'm okay with that since my hubby and I have been trying to get her to live with us for quite some time.

Right now she lives with our sister, Rik. Rik is a great sister when you don't have to actually share her personal space. Rik is also in the midst of a divorce and foreclosure. Rik works 4 jobs. Rik is not a happy camper about supporting TJ.

My hubby and I are willing to support TJ. We both understand that TJ is suffering severly from PTSD after being abused for 20 years by her ex-boyfriend. My fist marriage was abusive, so I can sympathize. After my marriage ended, I lived with Rik, so I know that is not the right place for TJ.

It's a good sign that TJ wants to come visit so soon after leaving. I am hoping it helps sway her into coming to live with us. Still, I know having TJ is challenge because of her over-complicated, attention-seeking approach to everything.

When she talked about coming down, she told me after next Wednesday would be fine with her. I explained that I would have to check my work schedule and may even have to wait until next pay-day. I assumed she'd realize that we just got married, which was expensive and then had to pay our rent. I followed up that the round trip was expensive, not only with gas, but with stopping.

She was kinda shocked to hear that. But my car "is fuel efficient, it's not that far, gas is cheaper here, its not that expensive...." She told me that the sooner I came to get her, the longer she could stay. Um, okay, but I still have to work and pay bills, sweet sister. It still costs money to come get you. I still have to check my work schedule, talk to my hubby and plan it out so that I don't have to feed us Ramen Noodles for the next month.

I assured her that I very much wanted her to come down. I assured her that I wanted to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. I just had to work it out so I can keep on in the green. That is not a snappily made call. Give me sometime and I'll work it out.

Because of the things my sister has experienced, she is so afraid that no one wants her. My mother avoids her phone calls and Rik doesn't exactly make her feel wanted. Her best friend dumped her last year about the same time her ex did. Her son, who is approaching 20, is off living his own life. And my son and I left right before all that happened to live with my now husband.

While I can relate to part of what she is going through, I cannot relate to all of it. I only gave up a year of my life to my ex and she gave up 20. I lost a lot when I left my ex, she lost practically everything. I really feel for her. I don't want to take pity on her, I want to help show her that with time and patience, she can live so much better.

Part of my wanting have money while she is here is to get her a hair cut, buy her some make up, and give her some sunshine. I want to take her to lunch near the beach, show her the historic sites, get her excited about the world outside of herself. I want to give her something emotionally fulfilling to take home with her, which is really hard to do when I'm stressed over my budget.

And its hard to have patience when I'm stressed, let alone for my hubby to have patience. TJ requires a lot of patience. I need to be relaxed enough to deal with her bagagge. We all do.