Is there such a thing as too much sex with your significant other? Our guy columnist, Aaron Traister, certainly doesn't think so, but his wife has a different opinion. Here, he shares a few of his tactics to get her into bed and why he's still itching for more sex with his wife.
1. Request and deny
I find the absolute most inappropriate time to ask for sex and then I immediately deny that I just asked for it. For instance, my wife is getting frustrated, breaking in a new breast pump that looks more like something that belongs in a barn than in our house. However, my fancy has somehow been tickled, and I decide that now would be a good time to suggest a romp in the unfolded pile of laundry on the floor. She looks at me incredulously and says with venom, "Are you serious?! What the [bleep] is wrong with you?" At which point I respond, "What? I didn't mean... I meant, uh, you must've misheard me." And then I run away.
Request and deny works only when she finds my request bizarre enough to be amusing. For instance: My wife was 41 weeks pregnant. I happened to walk by her while she was trying to locate her pant leg. Her futile quest was strangely arousing, and I began staring at her hungrily. I was more worried about her water breaking from her laughing too hard than its breaking because of the sex.
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I try to guilt her into having sex with me. It generally backfires. I usually guilt her for the length of time between sexual encounters. What follows is not an uncommon exchange:
ME: "Do you know how long it's been since we've had sex? Two weeks! Are we one of those couples that has sex once a month now?"
HER: "Remember on Monday when you got in the shower with me?" I suddenly remember. "So if we had shower sex on Monday, and today is Wednesday, that means it's been two days."
ME: "What? I didn't mean... I meant, uh, you must've misheard me." And then I run away.
Guilt only works when she takes pity on my poor grasp of time, which isn't often.
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This is just an offshoot of guilt. I silently mope around the house sighing deeply until she gives it up. Shockingly, this never works. I really don't know why I keep doing it.
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This is my wife's favorite of my seduction tricks; it almost always works. Basically, out of desperation, I offer to do anything in order to get laid. The biggest drawback is that it works only if I have something of value to barter (which is rare). For instance: "I promise to turn the soil in the vegetable garden as soon as we're done," or "If I lose 15 pounds, can we make a tape?"
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Do these tactics work on you? Could there ever be such a thing as too much sex in your marriage?
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.