vacationsI need some feedback on this situation: Short version: My wife is going to Europe for 9 days. She was asked by her brother-in-law (who is footing the bill) to go with his wife (her sister) to travel around while he is working there. So far sounds great. It all happened fast and nothing was said about me going. I didn't want my brother-in law to pay for me, I looked into meeting my wife and her sister there, found a flight near where they are staying. And that's where the problem starts, my wife doesn't think it would be right if I went while the brother-in-iaw pays her way. Now I left out in the cold while she goes on a European tour .
She knows I'm very upset now with the situation (there is no way I'm telling her she can't go) The ticket has been bought and she is locked in.
I'm thinking about going on my own trip while shes gone on hers, (a place I tried to take her but couldn't find the time) .
Update 8/25ish: I got a call from my brother-in-law and we talked about normal stuff, nothing about the trip came up. He wants to meet for dinner and drinks next week (which is normal) and just hang out. I told him that we would pick a evening and I would talk to him later.
I would like to clear the air with him, right now he has no clue of whats going on. In his mind its just another overseas trip and he paying for my wife to keep his wife company while he working (what could be wrong?)
I'm not sure how to break it to him, without seeming ungrateful. There seems no way to save face at this point, One version could go like this: Oh why don't you just go, sorry about the confusion. To him its as simple as that. Or it could go : Sorry about the trouble, she doesn't need to go now: then I would be in so much trouble. I don't want to jeopardize her from going by getting into it.
There is not a good ending to this story. If the trip goes as planned now , and I take my trip, there will be hard feelings all around. Its like watching a train wreak in slow motion .
I had a long heart to heart talk with the brother-in-law, he could sense something was uneasy with me when he would bring up the trip details, and I told him exactly how I truly felt. Both barrels I let him know how hurt I was with not being invited to go. He said he was sorry, and was wrong not to even consider asking, he said that at the time he had to hurry and pick someone to be with his wife and didn't think about how he would feel if he was left out.
The funny thing is, he would like for me go,( that hurts even more ) I told him that I would have to get through this my own way. Big picture , things will be okay. Short term ?????
Once it comes out that I will going on my own trip, things will heat up again. Should I just come out and tell her or let her come across the details on her own??? Setting around while she jets off to Europe would push me over the edge. And I wouldn't be here when she got back. Going on my own trip would be something positive for me. and she has a problem with it...welcome to the club.......
another update 9/6
about two weeks till ground zero, this weekend I'll tell her of my own trip. I don't think it will go very well.
At first I'll ask her what she thinks about me going on my own trip.... (keep it hypothetical) then I'll get a feel of what she thinks. Two ways this can go-- She will say that I can wait till she gets back and we can both go. or she will think its a good idea (not in a million) But once she gets the idea that I will be going somewhere far and exotic without her, she will have a problem with it. and It will be the 101 reasons, why I shouldn't go. Game on....
The Day after:
Boom, it came out, I asked what she thought about me taking my own trip while she was on he trip (without me) 1. how much will it cost 2. are you doing this just to hurt me? I told her that
it wouldn't be any more that going with her, and how to you like the feeling when your on the wrong end.
She knew I wasn't overjoyed with the trip but she didn't tell me I couldn't go. "Hello---not being invited
is the same thing". After a while she understood why I felt the way I did. And told me she wanted me to go too. (I almost choked on that one) . So i asked her why it took 3 weeks and me taking my own trip to finally get her to say something. Something like --when I hear that you were really planning your own trip alone , I knew it was something big. OMG really......
She suggested that we take our own trips now she understands what it means to me. and if I wanted to go on my own trip alone , she would live it.
New situation: I can try to go with her to europe, ----go on my own trip----or stay home and earn points for later.....
Europe would be nice but Its not our trip, and there are alot of strings attached (hotel rooms) where we go and do. I'm ok with some of it but the room situation is not ideal. (and we talking $$$) for our own room. So its spend alot of money for a few days or 2 to 3 real good getaway long weekends on my own terms. + I'm not really being left out now.