It's Not You...It's Me
By Alysia Stern for BounceBack.com
If you have ever dated, I am sure you have heard (or perhaps spoken) the phrase "It's not you...it's me." You may have used this yourself or had an ex end your relationship with this line. It is simple for a person to identify character defects in their partners. But it is extremely difficult for people to see problems in themselves. So if we can see issues mu...
If you have ever dated, I am sure you have heard (or perhaps spoken) the phrase "It's not you...it's me."
You may have used this yourself or had an ex end your relationship with this line. It is simple for a person to identify character defects in their partners. But it is extremely difficult for people to see problems in themselves. So if we can see issues much easier in someone else… what exactly does this confusing statement mean?
"It's not you, it's me" can be seen as the ultimate cop-out, relationship breakup line. It usually means it is you. It is probably not just one little thing that you did and maybe you did nothing wrong at all. There may be a reason a person is not at the same level in the relationship that you are. Whatever the reason is, he or she may just not be that into you. They are afraid to hurt your feelings and afraid to be seen as a horrible person to the outside world. The statement, in this form, comes out of fear; a cowardly fear of facing the truth about themselves.
Related: Only YOU Are Responsible for Your Feelings
When someone says this to us, we second guess who we are, what we believe in, and we may ponder the things that we could have done to make the relationship work. "It isn't you, it's me" contradicts logic, since the reason the relationship is ending is because you may have lacked something that your partner was looking for, plain and simple. And that is OK, because the truth is that person who is using this line on you is lacking something themselves, and in reality, has just turned the tables!
Related: Is Honesty Really the Best Policy When it Comes to Breaking Up?
Now… although you are lost and confused, you have a few steps to take:
1) Walk away. It is obvious that the person you are dating does not want to be in the relationship at this point. Accept their attempt at trying to save their pride and attempt to try and save your feelings, but do not second guess, beg or plead for them to stay. Walk away with your head held high.
2) Allow yourself some time to process this extremely confusing statement. Make a list of pros and cons. Allow yourself to cry if needed. Most importantly, get yourself a support system.
Related: Every Thought is a Choice
3) Do not belittle yourself by begging, texting or calling your ex. He or she has just dumped you with no honest answer for no apparent reason. Look at that first and foremost. Is this someone you want to be with? What else won't they be honest with?
4) Love yourself with all your heart! Do not let your head start to believe there is anything wrong with you. The right person will come along and treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. Have faith.
If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, BounceBack.com can help you find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
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Alysia is a multi published children's book author and writes for several magazines. www.alysiastern.com