By Sunil Ramsamooj, BounceBack Editorial Staff
It might be safe to say that not everyone is a cheater, but everyone - everyone - knows a cheater. If you beg to differ, then we bet if you dig a little deeper or get to know more about more people in your social circles, you'll ultimately find one in the bunch. We don't say this because we have a murky view on relationships or because we've been spurned in the past by a lowly lover. It's only because, unfortunately, that's the reality of life around us these days. There's sex everywhere you look, the media is fascinated with infidelity, technology both enables it and uncovers it - all resulting in people are being pre-programmed not to commit (or not valuing commitment) in relationships from an early stage.
We've heard many stories at BounceBack of cheating, and wanted to compile a list of the tools cheaters use to do their dirty work, in hopes that you'll be able to recognize the potential red flags in their own relationships. Here are some of the tricks of the trade that cheaters use when attempting to get away with being unfaithful:
- Phone Calls - Perhaps the oldest trick in the book was having the 'other woman'/'other man' call the house, and the cheater would answer the phone and say "Oh, it's just Jim from work," or something along those lines. These days, with mobile phones, cheaters don't have to go to such great lengths and run the risk of being caught at home. Beware of disguised names as cell phone entries - a cheater can change the name on their cell phone so the significant other would never know that there was another person in the picture. So Rebecca the waitress turns into "Jim from work," who always calls late because "he's going through a tough time." If your significant other is always taking late calls, or if their phone rings incessantly while you're around but they won't answer the phone, you may want to ask them about it. If they have nothing to hide, they won't mind the question.
- Texts - Tiger Woods used texting to a fault in his sexual escapades - and it ended up biting him in the rear. As we know now, he's clearly a better golfer than cheating texter, as shown by his sending texts asking the other women to delete his previous texts. You think that's going to make you look more innocent? Bad move, Mr. Woods. People who are cheating depend on texting so much because it can be discreet and messages can be deleted right away. However, if you are lucky enough to share a phone bill, you can keep an eye out for any unknown texts and especially the frequency - if there are multiple texts to one number, and late at night, it might be something to look into.
- Computers and E-mail - E-mailing to have an affair used to be more inconvenient, but with the advent of smart phones, the person on the side is now one 'send' button away from a cheater, wherever they may be at any given time. Throw Skype, AshleyMadison.com and online dating into the mix and cheaters have all the tools they need right at their fingertips, and often from the privacy of your own home. If your significant other has multiple email addresses besides the standard work and personal accounts, or if they won't let you hop on their computer just to quickly check your email, you may want to make a mental note. If they seem to always be on their computer, this is another warning sign that they may have a social and potentially romantic life on the internet that is trumping the one in your living room.
- Alibis - Alibis used to be harmless - you'd tell your parents you were at your friend's house while you skipped school and went to the park or movies. No harm, no foul. Today, if they can't get away with it completely and need an alibi, many cheaters will ask their friends to cover for them if they're going out with someone on the side. It's a simple tactic, and always puts the faithful unsuspecting girlfriend/boyfriend in a pickle. If they question or doubt the friend's alibi, no matter how ridiculous it sounds, they risk appearing as a crazed, untrustworthy girlfriend/boyfriend who hates their significant other's friends.
- Private Matters - In any relationship, both partners are allowed their free time, space, and privacy. However, if you notice that your partner has an excessive need for privacy, or seems to be hiding things from you, you should wonder what that's really about. Cheaters will often claim to have "private matters" with work, family, or other organizations in order to keep a door open to allow time and space for the affair - without requiring an explanation on their part. If you suspect that these private matters, these things that can't be discussed, aren't actually work- or family-related, ask your partner, or do some searching on your own. It's amazing what you can find out using some of the same tools cheaters use.
Here's the bottom line: the fact of the matter is that the main reason people get away with cheating isn't because of these little tools we posted, it's because when most people enter into a committed relationship, they are entrusting themselves to the other person and to the commitment they've made. It's unfortunate, but there are many people out there who have no problems betraying that trust, and will easily give in to an unfaithful opportunity, especially when the tools above are so readily accessible and easy to utilize. What cheaters will choose to do with the trust that is bestowed on them is out of our hands. All we can do is have faith that we've found a loyal partner, try to enjoy ourselves, but subconsciously be prepared to spot the warning signs if needed.
"When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness." - From The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini
Have you been cheated on? Have you discovered a cheater in your life? What tools have they utilized to get what they wanted? Let us know so that our readers can be on the lookout for warning signs.
BounceBack is helping people find happiness after heartbreak from a relationship breakup or divorce. It's a place to tell your story, get advice from experts, and share what you've learned with others in similar situations. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back to life and move forward. www.bounceback.com
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