Maybe you are searching for "the one." Or perhaps you keep dating (and breaking-up with) a person who is totally wrong for you, and don't know why you're unsuccessful in finding a long-term love connection. Here is the main reason:
They are those beliefs, morals and values that matter to us, and what makes us who we are. But one thing no wise man ever told me, is that if you are looking for someone to share your life with, he or she should mirror the intangible things that you hold dear. These values make or break compatibility, so it's imperative to filter out anyone who doesn't share your beliefs before you fall head over heals. And core values have nothing to do with being really, really good looking. For instance:
- What are your religious beliefs? If you are Christian and your love interest is an atheist, there could be potential friction down the line-- especially if you plan to have children together. Someone is bound to be the submissive believer, and it will cause resentment with time.
- How do you deal with finances? Most problems in relationships are squabbles over money. If you are a saver, coupon-clipping, penny-pincher, then a person who is racked in debt and has collection agents calling him isn't your ideal mate. It will save you time, money and arguments if you both deal with budgeting incomes similarly.
- How do you make important decisions? Are you impulsive and easy-going, or do you analyze each possible outcome by carefully calculating your decisions?
- What are your feelings about marriage? Divorce? That is a crucial question, and the sooner you ask a potential mate, the better off you are by not wasting time with an incompatible commitment-phobe. Don't be shy about asking, either!
Now that you've established your "core values," you will see with clarity when "the one" appears before you. Here's a few fun tips if you're searching for your "soul twin":
- List 5 qualities that are "must haves." Hopefully, your list will be along the lines of honest, caring, and responsible and not "tall, slim, blue eyes and blonde hair." Don't settle for someone who is missing one or more of these VERY important traits.
- List 5 qualities that would be important, but not a deal-breaker. These might be things like sense of humor (or maybe that is a "must have?"), good with kids, talented with his or her hands (around the house, or otherwise), and so on.
- List 5 "would be nice if they had" traits. Here's where it's OK to list the physical features you prefer, if you'd like someone who knows how to cook, has a killer IQ, is a romantic lover, or any other fun, "bonus" goodies.
- List 5 qualities that would be absolute deal-breakers. This could be someone with a criminal history, drug addict, cheater, liar, whatever your comfort zone just can't stomach. And don't make excuses for a someone who sweeps you off your feet, only to find out they made this list... no excuses!
Have fun creating your own custom "ideal mate" list, and enjoy screening the people you meet who apply for the job. Now that you know what (or who) you're looking for, it will make it so much easier to hire the right candidate. My recommendation: be cautious with the really, really good looking ones.
Is there any important requirement you would add to this list? What are some of your core values that are "must haves" in a mate? What are the biggest deal-breakers? For me: must be honest, caring, funny; cannot be a liar, cheater or disrespectful.