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    The Secrets to Staying Married

    By Woman's Day | Love + Sex – Tue, Jan 5, 2010 8:35 PM EST

    by Annemarie Conte

    Who better to give relationship advice than people who have been married for decades? Check out common sense relationship tips from real couples.

    "You have to respect each other and demonstrate it. Find something you love to do together. A few years ago we started kayaking, and we just bought bikes. It doesn't have to be expensive, but you need to stay connected. Most of all, treasure each other." Paul Babcock, who has been married to his wife, Marina, for 32 years







    "There are no books to prepare you for what comes at you. Contrary to what people think, it is not a 50/50 relationship, it is 100/100 or it will never work. I still can't believe we made it this far. Seems like almost yesterday." Arline Wertheim, who has been married to her husband, Seymour, for 49 years







    "Marriage involves change, trust and acceptance. It begins with fire but over the years it becomes a smoldering ember. Love after 56 years means that I have someone who is always there for me, waiting for me to come home, someone who is mine and we are the center of each other's life." Mary Verhoog, who has been married to her husband, Rev. John, for 57 years







    "God is behind it all-and we overlook each other's faults." Jimmie and Gordon Alford, who have been married for 69 years









    "Before marrying Jan, I wrote a letter to her mother, asking for her blessings. In the letter, I stated that I felt that our marriage would be based on love, trust and mutual respect. I neglected to mention humor, humor and humor." Nick Jones, who has been married to his wife, Jan, for 38 years







    "I agree with him. Looking back, I see where mutual respect is much more important than I thought. You must respect each other's differences and keep your own uniqueness because that's why you fell in love in the first place. I also see that humor becomes more important as the years go by. When you retire and spend 24/7 together, you have to laugh and have fun. It's easy to lose your sense of humor when illness strikes, the economy goes sour and terrorists threaten, but a hearty laugh has a way of making everything seem tolerable again." Jan Jones







    "By today's standards, we were pretty young. I was 21 and Bill was 22. But we grew in the same direction. The love was stronger than anything else that could be pulling us in another direction." Arnita Hawkins, who has been married to her husband, Bill, for 49 years








    "Each of us, though we have our independence, we're dependent on each other from the perspective of love. It was a big part of our maturing together and dealing with problems. We talk about the important things all the time-money, kids, etc." Bill Hawkins



    "Three things: 1) Keep priorities in perspective-agree or compromise on the big things, and don't create a crisis over the small stuff. 2) Share common interests and support each other's individual pursuits. 3) View time together as a gift and make it periodically special by breaking from the routine." Don and Cheryle Hahnfeldt, who have been married for 41 years

    "You have to have the same basic principles and belief system. We differ on a lot of things, but it's important to stay on the same track in terms of ethics and morals. We have entirely different interests, but there are also things we like to do together. We have fun together, but we also go our separate ways. He's politically inclined, I'm not. I love the arts, he doesn't. We have similar friends. I have my girlfriends and he has his golf buddies. I've always enjoyed his company. He's fun. He has a much better sense of humor than I do, but I don't hear terribly well and that works to our advantage too!" Gail Burgess, who has been married to her husband, Don, for 49 years

    Related Articles at WomansDay.com:

    Should You Like to Your Husband?

    7 Ways to Revive Your Marriage

    10 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

     

    39 comments

    • A Yahoo! User  •  2 years 2 months ago
      look at those older people, they have something young people don't have today: 1. COMMITMENT and 2. The kids today may be smarter and move savy, but they lack QUALITY and INTEGRETY that those older folks had in yester years.
    • catherine
      catherine  •  2 years 2 months ago
      l am not yet married but l agree with one of our colleague that communication is the way to go in marriage, lack of communication in marriage causes breaks and misunderstanding each other. so communication is a vital key in marriage.
    • Legally yours
      Legally yours  •  2 years 2 months ago
      While I appreciate the wonderful stories given, why is there not ONE ethnic couple? Not one Asian, Indian, African-American. The reason I say this is because each culture has different lights to shed, and by excluding them, it excludes your readers.
    • M
      M  •  2 years 2 months ago
      The secret of a long lasting marriage is in finding someone who will overlook our negatives and keep the positives firmly in our heart. I know that I do not deserve someone as loving and kind as my wife, but she manages to stay with me through the bad, till the good parts come around again. 42 years so far.
    • Sissy
      Sissy  •  2 years 2 months ago
      Those who pray together will stay together.
    • Ann
      Ann  •  2 years 2 months ago
      A psychology professor once said "you will never be 100% satisfied in any relationship, but if you at least have 75% , it will work".
    • Dove
      Dove  •  2 years 2 months ago
      How to you win your husbands love back after 22 years of marriage...
    • Nizam
      Nizam  •  2 years 2 months ago
      love ,respect ,and appreciation are the most important words that discribe a successful marriage
    • kk
      kk  •  2 years 5 months ago
      Loving each other is totally different than liking each other. With the marriage cycle it takes both (Like and Love) !! The Marriage cycle consist of mutual respect and love to and from one another. Men and Women alike need BOTH from one another to make a relationship not just a marriage work. I have taken this advice and have been HAPPILY Married for over 10 years. (and I like my husband more today than I did the day met!!)
    • anonymous
      anonymous  •  2 years 5 months ago
      Hey, People Make Mistakes--so sorry you have such a poor outlook on marriage, and that you know so many unfortunate people. I have wonderful parents who have been happily married for 48 years and have experienced no cheating, lying, or controlling. Yes, they have had some pain and tears along the way, but who doesn't? That's just life, my friend. Married or single people will all experience that. I hope you find someone special to settle down with who will change your perspective on things. Good luck!
    • Katharine
      Katharine  •  2 years 4 months ago
      I loved this article:)
    • Sydney
      Sydney  •  2 years 5 months ago
      Great advice to keep in mind when I tie the knot this summer.
    • choo-toy
      choo-toy  •  2 years 5 months ago
      Must be nice.
    • christyb
      christyb  •  2 years 5 months ago
      I love this!
    • people make mistakes
      people make mistakes  •  2 years 5 months ago
      That is all lies come on in ur fifty some of u ought to tell the truth! There is pain, tears, mistress, hard work, and u really lucky a good ass kicking a few times a year. But that is were the trust and respect come into place right. I feel bad for all of u who just hold onto the good memories so that u wont be left alone with two kids wat ever a marriage without another woman is like a rose garden with no rose and no never been married I just observed alot to marriages that have lasted 50 years and more they all had one or more of the above oh and I didn't add the cooking and money control. But u know wat once one of them dies the other is weeks or months away from their destination sorry I know it hurts
    • Gwen
      Gwen  •  2 years 5 months ago
      Love is a verb (Charles Stanley). It is action!!! Also, it is a decision and a commitment that you made to stay faithful and true to the institution and covenant of marriage, to each other and to God.
    • Elaine
      Elaine  •  2 years 5 months ago
      I lived with my husband for eleven years before we were married thinking that it would give me all the answers of what it would be like if we got married and it did. I had to make the decision if I still wanted to marry him after knowing what he was really like and I did. Not because I thought he was such a great guy and a great catch, but because I was in love with him emotionally and sexually. Want some real advice? Put GOD first! Pray that HE will send you someone to love who loves CHRIST (for REAL and not a fake Christian)and you know he will love you because GOD IS LOVE. A family that prays together WILL stay together. Make sure the one YOU love, loves YOU. True love will stay true. Love based on superficial things will remain superficial. When good looks and a shapely figure leaves, will your mate leave you? My husband and I have been married now for 22 years. I've learned that you have to have GOD, trust, humor, employment, great sex, respect, communication, similar likes, independence, being able to talk and agree or disagree without blows and the willingness to put in the hard work and stay in there and fight for your relationship when things go bad. It's easy to be happy when everything is fine and dandy. The work comes in when things are sad, heartbreaking or illness comes. Determine what you will put up with and what you won't and make sure these things are discussed BEFORE you decide to tie the knot. It's a lot easier and CHEAPER to end the relationship BEFORE the wedding than it will be when divorce happens. That never going to bed angry thing is good advice too. Make up sex is not always what it's cracked up to be if in your mind you are still harboring ill feelings. For more advice on various topics log onto :ThePontiacNews website for Ask Elaine.Com articles.
    • 1979
      1979  •  2 years 4 months ago
      I am 29 years old and married for 9 years in April, it takes true commitment, and unselfishness to make your marriage last, plan nights out, learn to listen and learn to respect your mate even through the heated moments and you will see the fruits of it.
    • Fernanda
      Fernanda  •  2 years 4 months ago
      Good article!!
    • February
      February  •  2 years 4 months ago
      I want that kind of life so much.
     Post a comment

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