An expert reveals that there are different kinds of cheaters. Guess which one Tiger Woods is.
- Carrie Seim, BettyConfidential.com
Did you know there are six different types of cheaters? Funny - all this time we thought there was only one: the low-down dirty scoundrel type.
But Dr. Doug Weiss, president of the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy and founder of the counseling site SexAddict.com, explains to BettyConfidential that cheaters come in six varieties. And while not all cheaters are sex addicts, Dr. Weiss implies that serial cheaters, in particular, may have sex addiction issues.
Before we check out that sex-fueled six-pack, we asked Dr. Weiss for his thoughts on the Tiger Woods Cheater's Open, which is still very much in play. (Tiger's tally of alleged infidelities has now reached 14. AshleyMadison.com, the infamous dating site dedicated to cheaters, even offered Tiger a $5 million endorsement deal, according to TMZ.com.)
Read Tiger Woods Cheating Scandal Grows, More Women Come Forward
So is Tiger's wandering golf club the result of a man with so much power and influence he thought he could have whatever - and whomever - he wanted?
"It doesn't have anything to do with success or fame; garbage men and plumbers…are cheating too," says Dr. Weiss. "Sexual addiction runs the gamut of every color, race and wage."
Dr. Weiss, himself a recovering sex addict who's appeared on Oprah, says that no one is a lost cause, however. "They can all get better," he insists, "they just have to want to."
So what about those six types of cheaters - and where does he think Tiger falls? Dr. Weiss explains in an interview and through excerpts of his new book, Addicted to Adultery: The Other Reason Spouses Cheat:
1. The Hunter Cheater
They are looking for the weak, needy or another sex addict for a quick hit. They tend to have pickup lines or a clear modus operandi to capture their prey. The hunter is rarely looking for an equal, because an equal could hurt them. This could be a doctor or lawyer whose prey is the secretary, waitress or woman at a bar. They tend to be the smart, successful, smooth-talking guy who exudes a certain sexual or narcissistic energy. It's all about them and their needs. The stench of entitlement is also present in the hunter's heart.
Whoa - can we have Tiger for $2,000, Alex? Dr. Weiss says Tiger clearly fits the hunter pattern, seeking a very specific prototype of woman who is young, beautiful, thin, in-shape and willing.
"These were not multimillionaire women, not big sports stars, not actresses," Dr. Weiss says of the women Tiger allegedly targeted. "None of these women had power; they were not threats."
2. The Hero/Nice Guy Cheater
This is the person who "wants to help." They want to rescue the maiden in distress, so to speak. This person wants to be a friend to their victim, talk about the victim's life, marriage, kids or job. The hero/nice guy's adulterous heart is quick to praise, quick to appreciate and quick to pick up on cues as to whether you are starting to trust them. They get excited when the victim trusts them, because they are close to the kill. Even after sex, they want to be seen by the victim and themselves as a nice person.
"Heroes want a woman to tell them, 'You're wonderful,'" explains Dr. Weiss.
3. The Hurt/Wounded Cheater
This man plays the victim role. Their spouse doesn't love them, appreciate them or have sex with them. This is the person who is looking for someone, anyone to help them in life. They are the person you feel sorry for. That is their way of reeling in their victims. They are constantly looking to be saved, helped or delivered from their circumstances or current bad marriage. They attack victims with their neediness.
"He manipulates women through pity," says Dr. Weiss.
Tiger, the sequel? This seems to fit in with reports that Tiger claimed to be unhappy and miserable in his marriage to Elin in order to convince women to sleep with him. Could Tiger be a mix-and-match cheater? Eh, we still think he falls more into the Hunter paradigm.
4. The Opportunist Cheater
The other person could be twenty years older or younger, fat or skinny, rich or poor. His or her heart is exhilarated by being wanted or desired. It's as if their heart has a gas tank of "want me," and anyone who does want them lights the match and wham! It doesn't matter what the package is, be it the cleaning woman, nanny, pool boy, secretary or dog groomer. It only matters that there is an opportunity.
"The opportunist cheater is looking for any woman under any circumstances," explains Dr. Weiss.
5. The Professional Cheater
This type of cheater is typically a man. He is not looking for love, nor does he care about the other person's wants, needs or what they think of him. He wants to be serviced. He believes he is paying for the confidentiality of their sexual acts. This person tends to have stashes of cash that nobody is aware of. They want to look normal to themselves. They have the nice wife, kids and regular vacations, but they want to be bad when they want to be bad. They rationalize, "Nobody knows, nobody gets hurt."
"They professional cheater is looking for anonymity above all," Dr. Weiss says. Hmmm, a Tiger trifecta? Dr. Weiss still pegs him as more of a Hunter.
6. The Fetish Cheater
This is a very specific cheater. They only want one flavor of ice cream. Their fetish is usually very restrictive. Oddly enough, they will pass up other available sexual opportunities outside their fetish appetite. This cheater is about one thing, the fix. This cheater will go to great lengths and, sometimes, great risk to receive a very specific fix. This cheating heart is also compartmentalized and often has a sense of entitlement.
"They cheat to fulfill a fetish type of compulsion" that include race, size or any number of characteristics they don't find in their spouse, says Dr. Weiss.
So is one type of cheater is easier to "fix" than another? Dr. Weiss says that while different cheaters come up with different strategies, their method of adultery doesn't really affect their recovery strategy.
"The way out is the same - honesty, accountability, support and dealing with their character and psychological issues," he says.
Read 6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating
Dr. Weiss says he himself has been sober from his sex addiction for 22 years and happily married for 23.
"There can be happy endings," he says, encouraging anyone who thinks they or their spouse may be a sex addict to seek counseling and evaluation.
So does Dr. Weiss think there's hope for Tiger and Elin?
"We're hoping for a happy ending."
Carrie Seim, Betty's L.A. Correspondent, is a writer and comedian keeping it real in L.A., New York and @ carrieseim.com.
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