Having a baby for most couples is a blessed, sacred event full of excitement, love, and general celebration. Some pregnant women plan elaborate ways to tell their spouses the good news, while others find out together and cry tears of joy. When a baby is wanted and celebrated, there is nothing more joyous. But sometimes, one spouse wants a baby and the other doesn't. In this situation, there are no easy answers.
Many say the woman could and should "win." After all, it's her body, right?
Well, as someone who has seen more than my fair share of men friends duped by their female partners into becoming parents, there is no doubt it's a lose for everyone, most importantly the child.
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The fact is, there is no "win." The partner who wants a baby can't "win" with one who doesn't.
Part of the beauty and joy of making a baby is the mutual love. Ideally a child comes from the love two people share, is very wanted, and grows up with that love all around him or her. A man or a woman might "come around" to care for an unwanted child, but he shouldn't have to.
Tricking a partner into becoming a parent is cruel and it almost always backfires, especially when the couple isn't married. If a man who doesn't want a baby suddenly finds out the girlfriend he thought was on the pill is actually pregnant, do you think he stays or goes? The answer should be obvious.
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There are no easy answers when a spouse wants a baby more than the other and it can damage a relationship in many ways. But, in the end, the person who doesn't want a baby ought to have veto power.
That said, there has to be room in the relationship for the other person's feelings of sadness and disappointment, too. When a woman who wanted two finds out her husband is only OK with one, it's a disappointment and there is a grieving period. In fact, it could even break a couple up to disagree on this.
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More than money or sex, this is a problem that has little room for compromise.
Did this ever come up for you? How did you solve this problem?
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