By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe
Buzzfeed and Glamour both recently picked up on a troubling online dating profile trend: self-proclaimed "nice" guys ranting about how girls are only interested in dating "jerks." A sample of these embittered, nasty rants: Had a lot written on this profile. Total waste. I give up on you chicks, I should have had a CAT scan performed on my head instead. There aren't any nice guys left to you girls because you don't respond to any of their messages. Enjoy the shirtless a**holes. Cool, guys, cool. Really attractive.
Related: The 9 Most Annoying Things to Say to a Single Person
The sad thing is, this phenomenon isn't limited to the online dating sphere: I've actually heard "nice" guys go off on rants like this in person. Constantly complaining about the fact that they are single, and never for one moment putting the blame on themselves. Oh, it's hard to be single. It's hard to feel rejected by the world at large, hard to be forced to wonder about your own desirability.Related: The 8 Degrees of Singlehood: Where Do You Fall on the List?
Harder still to come to terms with the simple fact that you may be single because of your own doing, because you're going after the wrong people, because you're not sending the right signals, because you're not going to the right places or saying the right things yet. Or maybe, as vague and cliched as it is, you haven't met the right person. But, let me be absolutely clear here: you are not single because you are too nice. There are lots and lots of nice people in the world, and believe me, lots of them are happily coupled up.Related: The Seemingly Harmless Question You Should Stop Asking Single People
When people say that women are attracted to bad boys, what they're really talking about is confidence, brashness, cockiness. There's something about having an "I don't give a f**k" attitude that's attractive, but it's not like a guy who steals, cheats and kicks puppies is an instant turn-on. And if a woman doesn't respond to your message, or agree to go on a date with you, it's her loss, got it? But don't assume it's because she's shallow or chasing some Jordan Catalano-type. And definitely don't go off on a super bitter, super defensive, and super public rant. Because while you're nicesness might not be keeping you single, your insistent proclamation of it might be. [Buzzfeed: The Not-So-Nice "Nice" Guy; Glamour: The Insidiousness of The Nice Guy]