The Truth Behind Four Wedding Myths

#1 The "Cover Your Plate" Myth Explained

At dinner this weekend, my in-laws explained the origin of the belief some people have that wedding guests should give gifts that are expensive enough to "cover their plate."

This belief, which I had never encountered until I moved to the Northeast, is roundly disparaged and denied by every single etiquette expert I have ever consulted. Despite Emily Post and Miss Manners, however, my mother-in-law holds this belief quite firmly, and was a bit disparaging toward people "who act like they're going to a party."

My father-in-law, however, gave the first explanation for its origin that ever made sense.

In the little European village where my husband's parents grew up, it was absolutely not possible for a family to entertain their neighbors and friends at a wedding, providing food and drink for everyone. They simply were not rich enough. No one was. And so every wedding celebration was a village affair; everyone who came brought something to contribute. Potluck, essentially.

Even now that their friends and relatives are financially comfortable, it's hard to shake their belief that a family should not find itself poorer because it had invited loved ones to celebrate a major life event. But since no one can really bring a cake along, they're writing checks.

Do the people in your family believe they should "cover their plate"?

Plus: Who Traditionally Pays for What at a Wedding?

#2 Throwing Rice Kills Birds
I've heard that throwing rice at weddings is bad because birds that eat it can die. Is this true? -- Lenore, Orlando, Florida

The belief that rice will swell in a bird's stomach and kill it is a complete myth. In fact, rice does no more harm (or good) than seeds commonly thrown at weddings, such as millet. On the other hand, it is true that, given a choice, birds usually find seeds a little more appetizing than rice. No matter which you choose, though, you can rest assured that you aren't harming the birds.

# 3 Don't Give or Receive a Present That Cuts
Did you know there's a superstition about receiving knives as a gift? It applies to can openers, too, or scissors -- anything with a blade.

Apparently it's bad luck to be given something that can sever. The blade, its thought, will sever the friendship. It's especially bad luck for a wedding gift, where the fear is that the sharp edge will sever the marriage vows.

Some people hold this superstition so strongly that they disapprove of giving knives as wedding gifts. But for most people, the solution is to have the bride "buy" the knife from you instead, for a token amount (usually a penny; sometimes a nickel). My relatives went so far as to insist I follow this rule even for something with as dull a blade as a table knife.

Some gift givers will include the penny for you to give back to them, but that seems to me to defeat the purpose; how much of a "purchase" can you make with money that's been given to you from the person you're supposed to pay?

Have you heard of this? Are you prepared with pennies? Or is this an antiquated superstition you won't be giving any attention to?

Plus: Wedding Budget Dos and Don'ts

#4 The Age-Old Question: Can a Guest Wear White to a Wedding?
Etiquette books say yes, believe it or not. But our stand is a little bit different. Okay, a lot: We say no. If you do show up in white, you're not technically doing anything wrong, but people might talk (almost everyone who hasn't read those etiquette books thinks this is wrong) and you'll be known as "the girl who wore white at so-and-so's wedding." It's just not worth it. Let the big day be about the guest of honor -- the bride -- and save your white dress for a special occasion that doesn't involve vows.

What other wedding myths have you heard?

Plus:
Sticky Situations with Your Guest List
How to Deal with Parent Problems
Guidelines for Having Children at Your Wedding