Make OutBy Kimberly Dawn Neumann
Always been curious about Tantra? It's really not as hard or wacky as you think. Tantric sex is about intimacy rather than orgasm, mental rather than physical event. Once you can make this switch in focus, it'll change your sex life forever…no headstands required. Here, let us explain!
Set the Mood
Set up your bedroom to make sex seem sacred. "A lover's environment, however, must be clean and turned into a place of warmth and ritual, filled with flowers and scented oils to anoint the lover with," says Caroline Muir, author of Tantra Goddess and founder of Divine Feminine Institute. Muir also recommends incense or scented candles and plenty of candlelight and soft music. "The music you select will speak volumes to your lover so be sure that the words affirm the joys of love and romance."
"The 'hand on heart' ritual begins almost every Tantra workshop or ritual -- it is centering and an easy way to bring one's emotional focus to oneself and to share that with one's partner," says Carol Queen, PhD, a sex educator and staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. "The idea is to get both participants connected and ready to do any other practices that follow -- from having an important discussion to making love." Instead of going straight into the action, try putting your right hands on each others' hearts and look into each others' eyes before you begin getting erotic. It's calming and intimate!
Invite Love Into Bed
"Speak words that reflect your vulnerability and sincerity in being a caring and conscious lover as well as friend," says Muir. Aim to leave this person feel more loved than when you found them. And be sincere about it. This isn't about being the best lover he's ever had. "Generate kindness and compassion to the human being who shares their passion and heart with you." Single? Think of it as preparing each lover for the one they seek as a life partner. Just "be honest and clear about your intentions, never promising more than you can give," says Muir.
Try "Before Foreplay
"Foreplay is essential. "It is well known that touch increases oxytocin the bonding chemical in women…, and the a hormone (along with estrogen) required to prepare for intimacy and penetration," says Billy Sunday Mars, author of Fit for Love. "A woman's sexual system works from the outside in and it is important for a man to avoid moving straight towards her sexual organs rather than her." Nonsexual touch must preempt touching for direct arousal and stimulation. "This is like the 'before' foreplay," says Mars. "A massage that begins at the feet, works its way north, then back down to (if so desired) the sexual organs is an 'art of body' experience for a woman, especially if she is not used to being nurtured."
"During sex, it is some people's tendency to keep their eyes closed but in Tantra you're encouraged to keep them open, and look deeply into each other's eyes as this connects you and increases intimacy," says Dr. Queen. "This can be done during intercourse or just an embrace or while having a talk with one another." Looking into someone's eyes in a relaxed way establishes trust like few things can and creates increased feelings of love. " "Vision travels through our emotional centers to be processed and our pupils widen when we 'see' something we like. So, when you stare into each others' eyes, both trust and desire increases." For women, this is especially important since wooing a woman often requires helping her move beyond past wounds from other insensitive sexual experiences. "'Seeing' she is loved and desired helps her believe it and move towards deeper intimacy," says Mars.
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