Unexpected Lessons From a Year Without Sex

A year is nothing.

I've gone 2 years and 4 months without sex or dating. To be honest, part of that is due to a separation and divorce from a long term marriage and the idea of being physical with someone else does make me nervous. Part of it is also because I want to know that someone wants to be with me and not just for what they think they can get from me. I'm 38 and my only partner was my ex husband, so I'm obviously not about one night stands or casual "friends with benefits" situations-I have sometimes thought about reconsidering that position-lol, but would not actually do so.

my hubby and i have been together for almost 10 years and we were in our early 20's when we started dating. I have never had the traditional 1 night stand but have had some flings.. ive noticed causal sex can be good on a phsyical level but you guys are right its nothing like and i hate to use this term cause it sounds cheesy "making love".. the longest i ever abstained while single was 6months, and in a relationship with my hubby the longest we went was about almost 4 months but that was because i was at the end of both of my pregnancies, and well i just couldnt enjoy sex with a baby constantly moving inside me.

Some people don't need to wait as long. If you need sex you don't have to burden yourself with the emotional stress of saying to yourself your not a good person for "doing the deed" . Giving it up does not mean your morally bankrupt. We waited but that was many years ago and was expected, not so much now. Good either way, depends on your relationship. Sex won't be any good anyway if you don't have an emotional connection so if you think he/she won't stay unless you do, then that is a relationship to run from anyhow. Sex is an extention of a mutual love, if you don't have that mutual feeling, then it is just lust. But BE careful , don't let your need , turn into a person until your ready to be a dad/mother..and give them a family to grow up in.

If you are in a solid relationship (already established, not a new union in the getting-to-know-you stage), I think you should be having regular sex as long as there is no physical or medical reason to avoid it. I've not always been lucky enough to have long-term relationships, so I have had some one-night stands. They are rarely all that satisfying, but sometimes they are fun, and make me feel better about myself - as if they are proof I am still desirable to a good-looking man. I went about five months without sex earlier this year - nothing but the occasional kiss. It was hard. I felt as if I were walking through a desert. Lately, I have had more men approaching me for sex. It comes in cycles. I would prefer a relationship, so I am being very careful about indulging. I've grown wiser.

I gave up sex once for 18months just to see if I could. A test of willpower if you will. I only started again because I met a guy I wanted to seriously date.

I've watched a lot of friends jump into relationships because they missed having sex and being "intimate." My own hiatus from sex made me realize that sex is not intimacy. Intimacy is in the communication, the hand holding, the trust - but most of the time sex is just sex is just sex. I learned how to have just sex with no emotional ties and I learned to have emotional ties without sex. It was a good lesson.

I chose to abstain for both personal and religious reasons. Of course, on the religious side, the Bible says that sex is to be only in marriage. On the personal side, I chose to abstain because I wanted that act to be special, just between me and my husband. My first kiss was with the same man I'd later marry - my first and only boyfriend; now my husband.

Most definitely, and without a doubt, the best way to find a good partner is not to sleep with him/her.

I was a virgin until my husband (married at 27), and while it started out for religious reasons, as I got older I realized that I really wanted to wait for and only share that part of my sexuality with the person I would spend the rest of my life with. Believe me, men who only want sex - and not a real relationship - will scat as soon as you tell them they aren't getting any. Men who see you as a person with goals and beliefs and a mind (not just a body) will stick around and want to get to know you and see where things could go. The good men will be happy to wait, knowing what a great catch you are.

Whenever my friends are having trouble finding love, I always encourage them to not sleep with their boyfriend. Many don't follow my suggestion - we do, after all, come from the generation that "hooks up" first and then tries to piece together a relationship later - but some do. One, like me, has only slept with her husband, and they are married with a baby now.

Above all, the most important thing to bear in mind is that you and you potential partner must be on the same page at all times. If you are into casual sex and he/she is too, then great - it works. If you are interested in long-term, then he/she must be as well or else someone is going to get hurt and it will probably be you.

My first g/f left me b/c i wouldn't have sex with her. I wanted to wait to make sure the relationship was rock solid. But she kept insisting.

A very thoughtful article. I hope the comments can be equally thoughtful.

In every relationship or whatever,sex is not the number one thing to think about.So staying without sex for a year or whatever,is something one must experience and it's unique.

"Kris" I can't believe your g/f and yes, women are starting to become so immoral like men I would've waited for you (wink) people who have one night stands have no respect for their bodies and care for their lives, its russian roulette you're playing, why not get a FWB so you can have regular sex and with one person? I'm not such a stickler on keeping my virginity BUT I know that when I kiss a guy I don't care for, I feel absolutely nothing. So I just want to know the guy is legit and wants me for me not cuz of my body or money or whatever. I have a lot 2 offer.