User post: How To Deal When It Really Is All Your Fault

Welcome to the next episode of voyeurism into my increasingly dysfunctional marriage.

So it turns out that my husband has been regularly (read: multi-daily) knocking off a few knuckle children in the privacy of our own bathroom, and- I'm forced to assume- the office lavatory as well. When my stunned reaction was not enough to pry forth more detail, I was forced to press, "Why? Why don't you come to me first?" His reply?

"I'm tired of being rejected by you. So I get it somewhere else."

Woah, red flag much?

Needless to say, this news has been devastating on multiple levels. First and foremost being just a plain old insult to my pride. Remember this is my husband we're talking about. If I can't please him I'm not being a good wife, and that's a blow. The second thought that crossed my mind was, "That sounds an awful lot like what a cheater would say!" Though my husband insists he'd never cheat on me, I have to admit that seed of suspicion has been planted, and isn't likely going to die anytime soon.

After mulling this revelation over the course of my evening walk, I am forced to contend with the fact that he might have a valid point, as much as that admission leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I will be the first to admit my libido is lagging, and we've known for some time that it doesn't sync up with his very well. I, however, was under the impression that we were dealing with it. I had been seeking improvements- in fact I'm desperate for ideas on how to make sex more enjoyable for myself and seeming less like a chore. I am a woman who needs a good bit of mental stimulation and the sense of emotional intimacy to get aroused properly, and many days I just don't feel it. But then, isn't that supposed to be a two-way street? If my emotional needs aren't being fulfilled, shouldn't he be making an effort to fill them as eagerly as I've been seeking to satisfy his physical ones?

More than anything else, however, I can't help but see this as a huge setback in something that now feels like it's been unraveling from day one. Suddenly, it's like I'm back in high school, and that old mantra is reminding me I'm just not good enough. Back then I was at the mercy of my mother and her litany of my faults. By now the response is automatic, "I can't keep the house sparkling. I can't hold my temper with my children. I can't keep my husband coming to me instead of hiding in the bathroom with his laptop. No matter how hard I try, it will never be enough. I will never be good enough."

So now I'm the one hiding in the bathroom with my laptop, trying to keep my supper from coming back up amidst my stomach's gymnastics. Where the hell do I go from here?