Waiting for the Proposal: 5 Ways to Keep Your Cool

Why Won't He Propose?
Why Won't He Propose?

By Sarah Rae for BounceBack.com

You've been together for a while. You know it's something both of you want. Now you're left waiting and waiting for the proposal. Nothing they could have told you when you were younger would have prepared you for the experience: the lack of control, the mixture of excitement and fear, and the sheer inability to rest-assured. You have to fight not to let a proposal dictate your self-worth. Whole message-boards are devoted to women who know it's coming but are still waiting for the ring.

Related: Should You Stay Or Should You Go? 5 Questions to Ask

You're probably already sharing everything, doing most things in sync, and maybe living together. In this situation you start thinking you've made things too cozy for your partner. He's not popping the question because he's already got it all. Not so. Marriage isn't about what you get; it's about making a lasting commitment.

Related: You Can't Hurry Love

Some resort to ultimatums, but love doesn't have an on-off switch. There's no way to actually set a date and trust that after that date you'll no longer love/want to be with/marry your partner. You can't make any brash decisions. The last thing you want is to force him to propose. That's hardly a proposal at all. You'd propose yourself, but you don't think it would go over.

Related: Read This Or Else: 4 Reasons Ultimatums Don't Work

What do you do to keep your cool?

• Don't overwhelm him with premature wedding discussions. It can be intimidating if he's not only he asking for your hand, but he's also asking for a wedding in New York City, royal and egg-cream table-cloths, 50 cousins he's never met, and a cake inspired by Alice in Wonderland.

• Don't plan too much ahead of time. While it's fun to go online and pick a venue or design your favorite invitations, it can also make it harder on yourself. You can still bookmark a couple things and pine away, but remember to leave a little to the imagination.

• Don't let the M-word be your hot-button. When someone brings up marriage or you learn about someone's new engagement, don't let it send you into a tailspin. Remind yourself: Everyone's timing is different. We can all name someone who got a proposal after just a year of dating and others that waited a decade. If you start to feel like it may never happen, it's time to talk to your partner.

• Talk about it with your partner when you feel unsure or stressed. Men definitely aren't mind readers. They don't just know when something is hurting you. Don't keep it to yourself. Over time if you let it stew, you won't even know what you want anymore.

• Focus on you. You can never go wrong with a little personal-time. Go out with your friends. Pursue some of your own interests. Reaffirm who you are, what makes you happy, and what you need. Your partner can't read your mind, but you can.

Related: Why You Need to Be More Selfish

Sarah Rae is a writer and editor from New Orleans. She lives in Brooklyn, NY. More information can be found at www.sarahrae.net.


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