Wedding do's and don'ts

I have tons of single friends currently bemoaning the upcoming, fast approaching like a cloud of locusts wedding season. A lot of singles have a big chip on their shoulders when it comes to their friends' and families' weddings, like somehow, somewhere in there, an evil conspiracy is at play. So the first wedding "do" may sound obvious, but it's an important one to remember: DO realize that the wedding in question was not designed to make you feel bad about your own loneliness.

Now that we've got that one out of the way, here are the official Shine wedding DOs and DON'TS:

DON'T: Whinge and moan about your bridesmaid's dress. The bride-to-be has more than enough problems to solve at the moment, and sadly for you, your attire, as heinous as it may be, is not her priority (or anyone's really, but your own). Suck it up and think of it this way: One woman's ugly bridesmaid's dress is, well, another woman's ugly bridesmaid's dress.

DO: Helpfully pitch in with the wedding planning the minute after your friend or family member gets engaged. Your first order of business? Suggest the best and brightest bridesmaid's dresses you come across (think black, backless, and very simple). So indispensable of you.

DON'T: Get wasted and slur a spiteful toast.

DO: Think about your speech thoughtfully, scribble it down somewhere and share it with someone whose opinion you trust beforehand in order to avoid any awkward faux pas. This toast is best delivered after one glass of champagne, not five.

DON'T: Bring a gift to the reception. This whole moment ended a long time ago, but good news travels slow.

DO: Make sure to send a gift the appropriate way by purchasing something on the registry and make sure it arrives in a timely manner. Just because you don't have to schlep the gift to the party doesn't mean the couple won't notice that you opted out after the fact. (NOTE: If you're broke and you have to spend $400 or more on a destination wedding, feel free to stiff the jerks.)

DON'T: Take out your frustrations by getting wasted and trying to make out with the groom, you know, just to prove that "marriage is dead" or whatever.

DO: Congratulate the groom on his luck.

For those of you out there that tend toward panic attacks and hives when you get an invitation in the mail, check out this Tango article detailing how to deal with the psychological aspects of your wedding fears, written by Doree Lewak, the author of The Panic Years: A Guide to Surviving Smug Married Friends, Bad Taffeta and Life on the Wrong Side of 25 Without A Ring.

And Mazel tov!