He like 'em, OK? But, says Jake, there are some Dos & Don'ts to know.
I travel a lot and generally end up exploring a particular kind of landmark: bars. Hotel bars. Airport bars. Western-themed bars. It's a habit that's led to great conversations with people I'll never see again. It's also led to at least 10 one-night stands.
I know firsthand that these kinds of hookups don't always end well-the proverbial "walk of shame" can involve massive guilt and that special kind of hypochondria reserved for your naughty bits. There's also the very real possibility of getting your feelings hurt. Take, for instance, the time I had relations with a beautiful hostess who worked at an upscale restaurant. "I have vodka back at my place!" she said after last call. We piled into the back of a cab and ended up at her apartment for a nightcap-and other, unmentionable things that caused us to knock over a candle and almost set the place on fire. I woke up thinking this could be the start of something. But the next day, she didn't return my calls. She just texted that she was "crazy busy." Ouch! Wounded pride aside, let me state something bold here: One-night stands can be good. Great, even-provided there's a stash of condoms and you're aware of these following things:
He's There to Have Sex
The number-one reason guys have one-night stands? We want to get laid. So forget about using sex as a fast-track tactic to make a guy fall in love. That's not to say he won't (hey, I was totally falling for that hostess)-just that the sex matters much less than your general chemistry. But here's an ugly-truth confession: He may fake feeling something just to close the deal. How to tell if he's being sketchy or sincere? I have no clue. That's why ever since the hostess blew me off, I've adopted this One-Night Stand Golden Rule: I don't do anything I'll hate myself for or feel embarrassed about, regardless of what happens the next day. Try it-it works.
No, He Doesn't Think You're a Slut
My best friend married a woman who slept with him on the first date (and they're hands down the happiest couple I know). Another friend has been with a woman for three years, and it all started with a one-night stand. I've never once heard a male friend imply that a woman he had sex with on a first date is a slut-even if it was unclear there'd be a second date. And I hope that doesn't sound like a line a guy uses to get in your pants, because it may be some of the clearest evidence that men are evolving. Use it to your advantage.
He Needs You to Speak Up
He barely knows your last name, so he's definitely clueless about what turns you on. Find a (hot) way to tell him, like the woman I met in a Chicago blues bar recently did. A few key instructions back in my hotel room prevented us from having detached, sloppy, drunken sex. Instead we had engaged, hot, slightly inebriated sex with the glittering skyline as our backdrop. When she left the next day, there were no expectations. We were two adults doing something we both wanted-and how is that ever a bad thing?
Jake is a real, live single guy dating in New York City.
Photo Credit: Condé Nast Digital Studio
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