They can get "hormonal" and are loving their hairy chests. Oh, and they expect to get some if you're a bridesmaid. Yes, we've learned plenty about men this month.
- Faye Brennan, BettyConfidential.com
Usually, you only see women posing shirtless on the cover of men's magazines - like Miranda Kerr is on GQ and Selita Ebanks is on Maxim. But, the fearless Russell Brand decided to join the ladies this month, posing shirtless for the cover of Rolling Stone, proving that our number 5 find - men are digging their hairy chests - is sadly true.
See what other hair-raising things we discovered about guys this month...
Read What We Learned From Men's Magazines in May
1. They are so lazy!
We get that this month's feature in Maxim, "The Lazy Man's Guide to Life" by Lisa Freedman is meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but we know some guys will actually use these services in order to not get off their butts. The resources include ibreakup.net, a site that will dump their girlfriend for them via email, and itspersonalmarketing.com, a site that will write their resume and cover letter. Ugh, it's sad that we have to tell boys to just man up and do these things themselves.
2. They don't fully understand why it's the little things that count.
Don't blame it on guys though. According to John Gray, Ph.D., author of Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, who was used as a source for Mark Millhone's piece, "My Marriage: The Autopsy" in Men's Health, it's science. "A women gives off pheromones when she feels taken care of by a man," he says. "What men fail to realize is that on an interpersonal, chemical level, it's the small stuff that really does matter. If you want to score 36 points, you don't give her 36 roses. You give her one rose on 36 separate occasions." See? It's not so hard to understand, guys.
3. They expect to get with the bridesmaid.
Maybe we should blame the epic hit that was Wedding Crashers, or maybe Laura Leu for writing "You May Now Kiss the Bridesmaid," in the June issue of Maxim. Because of Laura, Vince Vaughn, and Owen Wilson, guys think the maid of honor and her gals are up for grabs at any wedding. Laura writes that it's a bridesmaid's "loneliness" and "desperation" for romance that makes her so easy to bed. Great - now at the next wedding, we'll be fighting off drunk bridegrooms who've been told we're a sure thing.
4. They can be deceiving, like Bradley Cooper.
Speaking of Wedding Crashers, we just can't get enough of Bradley Cooper, and neither can Details, since they feature the star as their June cover boy, and have Nancy Jo Sales interview him in "Bradley Cooper: The All-Star." We have to agree with Sharlto Copley, Bradley's co-star in The A-Team when he tells Sales, "I expected Bradley to be more like his character in The Hangover. He's still a guy. He's got that man's-man, I-like-football thing."
We thought the same thing. But apparently, looks can be deceiving. "he's way more gentle and has more heart than you might think watching him in some of his roles," says Copley. Wait, did Copley just make us like Bradley even more? Is that even possible?
5. They're digging their hairy chests.
Men like Jon Hamm and Roger Federer have brought back the coolness of the hairy chest this summer - supposedly. As part of GQ's grooming section this month, the editors advise guys to "Put Some Hair (Back) on Your Chest." They claim that growing man fur is the way for guys to "reclaim [their] virility." Or, it could be the way to miss out on those nightly massages we love to give - their choice.
Read Men Decoded: What They Say vs. What They Really Mean
6. They can get PMS-y, too.
Or, should we say, hormonal. According to Heather Hurlock's "Men Have Hormones Too," featured in this month's Men's Health, hormones have an affect on a guy's stress level, weight, and sex life - just like women. In terms of a guy's sex life, having increased estrogen levels can kill their libido and spark erectile dysfuntion or weight gain (not fun!). To make sure your guy avoids these negative hormonal affects, make sure he works out to lose weight and gain muscle, as fat increases the amount of estrogen in the body.
7. They don't just think about baseball when they're too close to the edge.
It's been common knowledge for quite some time that in order to not finish a good time, er, prematurely, a guy will try to distract himself by thinking of something else. The most popular topic used to be baseball, but Bruno Maddox reveals to GQ readers in "Have You Used the Huckabee Technique?" that there is a much more effective method - picturing the image of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee playing bass guitar. Why? We have no idea, but Maddox claims it works everytime. "Mike is a perfect black hole of unsexiness," he writes, "but the bass, historically, is one of the sexier musical instruments. They combine to create a sort of vortex that suctions every spare joule of erotic energy from the brain." Whatever, as long as they find something that does the trick, we won't ask any questions.
8. Sometimes, art imitates their life - just ask Russell Brand.
There's a scene in Get Him to the Greek where Jonah Hill smuggles drugs on to an airplane by sticking them up his bum. Little does everyone know that Russell Brand actually did that for real back in his hard-partying, sex-addicted days. He tells Erik Hedegaard in Rolling Stone's cover story, "Russell Brand: Sexy Beast," about the incident:"If they had done a cavity search on me, I would have been f***ed." What else has the wacko-rocker stuck up his bum? A condom-covered Barbie doll. Really cute, Katy Perry, really cute.
Read 7 Most Debauched Rockstars Ever!
9. The ones who will settle down are in Phoenix.
According to a handy-dandy map featured in this month's Men's Health named "Sex and the Cities," Carolyn Kylstra breaks down the ratios of single men to single women in different areas across the country. According to a new study by the University of Michigan, men marry sooner in areas with fewer single women. Phoenix, AZ happens to have the best men to women ratio: for every 127 single men, there are 100 single women - awesome news for us ladies. The bad news? Baltimore, MD, has 92 single men for every 100 single women - better known as every man's playground.
10. They think we won't know their looking at our breasts.
After the video of an office worker caught looking at photos of Miranda Kerr on live TV became a YouTube sensation, GQ invited the cover model back for round two - and had readers ask Stephen Sherrill how to avoid such office blunders in "Dirty Angel." When one reader asked how he could avoid getting caught looking at a co-worker's breasts, Sherrill had this gem of advice: "Hold your gaze, furrow your brow, let the stare linger, as if you're looking into the middle distance, a place where hard but necessary wisdom resides. This wasn't about her awesome breasts, she realizes. You're not even aware of them. You are a man who is serious." Yes, a man who is seriously going to get his ass kicked, because we know what you're doing!
Faye Brennan is assistant editor at BettyConfidential.
