Remember that old adage "it takes half the time you were together to get over a breakup"? I do. I also think it's a pile of horse poo.
Now let me be clear here: I'm in the middle of a divorce and have absolutely no intention of dating for a good long while. I'm enjoying having some time alone, time I can spend rediscovering myself and learning who I am now. After nine years of marriage, I have a lot of rediscovering to do.
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But I still don't think it's going to take me five years to date again. Even though I am a single parent.
I know the idea of dating a mom who has three wonderful bouncing babies (although they'd murder me with a pickax if I dared call them "babies" to their faces) can be off-putting to a lot of guys. I get that - kids come with an extra layer of complexity and can be a bit messy. But frankly, I consider anyone who doesn't think my kids are awesome unworthy of my time.
When I do begin to date again, I will make one thing crystal clear: my kids don't need a father. They have a wonderful father, which means that I'm not looking for a male role model for my children. I'm not looking for a "just add water" insta-family, and any man who wants one is better off looking somewhere else.
I've thought a lot about how I'd introduce a new man to my children, and I've come up with a few ground rules.
The kids won't meet anyone I'm seeing until it's actually serious because I have no desire for them to get attached to someone who doesn't plan to stick around.
I'll also not allow my guy to sleep over when I have the kids staying with me, and not just because I have a one-bedroom apartment. The time I have with my children is sacred to me and I don't want any "stranger" or new guy to get in the way of that. Plus, it makes me feel icky just thinking about it.
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I'll be sure to explain my situation to a new partner early on in the relationship. I have nothing to hide and nothing to gain from pretending to be someone I'm not, and anyone who is worth my time will appreciate me as I am.
The most important thing I can do as a dating mom is to make sure my children know they're my No. 1 priority. It's what's most vital for me ... and my kids.
How have you handled dating after divorce? Any tips and tricks for a dating mom?
Image via USAG-Humphreys/Flickr
Written by Aunt Becky on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.
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