Ask any man who isn't having relations with his wife why this is happening and they'll all tell you the same thing. "It's because she always says 'no,'" they say, finding repeated rejection deeply upsetting. That's because men respond very viscerally to being turned down sexually. Even if you didn't mean it that way, they take it personally.
Now, of course, illness or the sexually debilitating side effects from medication can make a man uninterested in sex. Mental depression or verified cases of erectile dysfunction are other reasons he may be turned off. In that case, he needs to consult a physician, with your support, to discuss what is happening, try to find out why and see what can be done to alleviate the problem.
But, as a rule, husbands almost always want to have sex with their wives, even if they are also having sex with someone else! Many married women who discover their husbands are straying report surprise that their man is having an affair, because he is still having sex with them as well. While a small minority of men do have trouble making love to more than one woman, the great majority of cheating men are horndogs, capable of servicing both wives and girlfriends. As long as the woman is warm and willing, they will rise to the occasion, even if it means having sex twice in one night.
Rejection, especially repeated rejection, however, is a sexual bummer. Being turned down or rejected for sex by a particular woman on a regular basis eventually makes the man less interested in the woman. The wife may even have legitimate reasons for saying no; she is exhausted from work, from traveling, she genuinely has a headache. While these are all good and honest reasons, all the man hears is "no." That is all he can hear. Rejection.
It's been said the average sex act takes less than ten minutes, and that's from start to finish, including foreplay or even the moment you both take off your clothes. Many women report that their husbands are finished in much less. If you're upset or concerned that your husband has lost interest in you, consider what you can accomplish in ten minutes. Make the first move. Tell him you want to make love. Show him you are ready. Yes, buy some sexy underwear. Light some candles and pour the wine. And in future, say "no" much less. Say "yes" to lovemaking -- and a happier union.
Eve Marx writes frequently about sex for ThirdAge.com.
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