When Should You Walk Away?

Great song anyways. I think sometimes us women don't know who or what will make us happy, we simply don't know sometimes but whatever/whoever does we tend to want to stay with that person, we want it to last forever. Sometimes it doesn't. If we are lucky it does. 2 years ago, I used to know this girl, her boyfriend treated her like crap, called her names, I couldn't understand why she was with him. I thought I felt kind of privileged that my boyfriend at the time was so sweet. But people change. In the 2nd year of our relationship, he had changed, he started to show signs of being physically & verbally abusive, I learned he could not control his anger. Got out of that relationship before it escalated. Domestic violence is a deal breaker. I think as women, going through these types of relationships in life makes us wiser, next time around picking a guy who doesn't exhibit those same kinds of traits. As women, we all make these mistakes. We just don't know sometimes. We are only human.

I agree with the majority of what you've said. I've been there before. I stop at the physical abuse, but I've gone through verbal abuse, and men that just didn't appreciate me at all. Some have treated me as though I should be grateful just to be in their company. I know many women who have taken things that are just way over the top. But I have learned that men will treat you exactly the way you allow them to. It is better to be alone and wait until you find a person who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.

hmm... a more recent article you wrote said being with someone who used to have an addiction is wrong. man, you are such a hypocrite

This is a doozy. I have been seeing this gal for about 4 months. She has the most outstanding personality I have ever come across. Possible red flag #1 is that we met at a liquor store. I was there to buy some beer with a friend of mine and he was short a dollar so he went like 10 feet to his car parked right outside to get a dollar. She was in line behind us and offered up the dollar so that she wouldn't have to wait to buy her bottle of Seagram's 7 as my friend walked back in with his dollar. So I gave her dollar back and subsequently asked her if she wanted to join us at the local cantina. She politely declined. I then hit her up for her number and she obliged. I gave her a nice little hug and I called her number on the way out the door so that she would have my number too. We went to Pepe's in Canyon Lake "Thirsty Thursdays" and she started texting me. We ended up texting with each-other most of the night half our life story's. She ended up asking me out on a date and offering to pay for it...

So we have out first date at Chili's per her suggestion and had a very nice time. After dinner she suggested we go back to her place for a drink. We did some nice kissing and I went home with my head spinning. She invited me over the next night for dinner and to meet her 14 year old daughter. This went great as well. but I did notice that she seemed to like to get a little tipsy. We got a little touchy feely with each-other and has very tender smooth lips. Some nice kissing> I went home, again my head spinning. (not from alcohol) To summarize a bit; the first 3 and half weeks were hot and heavy. And I started falling in love. I believe I did a good job of hiding it from her that I was so smitten. I didn't over call her or text her. She told me that a she has never had a guy be romantic with her. So me being the hopeless romantic that I am saw this as an opportunity to deliver some nice romantic gestures. I recited an original poem to her. I wrote her a song on my guitar. I had flowers delivered to her work the Friday before Valentine's Day. Helped her with house chores so that she could relax. Just really showed I cared. But for what ever unknown reason things started to fizzle out. She wasn't texting or calling me as often as she did before. She stated that she doesn't want a relationship and likes her fancy free life. This clashed with what I wanted which was to have a monogamous relationship.(Red flag #2) But I guess I thought I could fool myself and go with the flow. But the sex dried up. She would still give me some nice kisses and the occasional BJ but she just wasn't reciprocating my emotions and it soon became clear to me that I wanted more with her then she wanted with me. I had made an emotional attachment to someone who is emotionally unavailable. "Ouch" I tried staying away and allowing her to miss me but that didn't work. I tried telling her how incredible she is and let her know that she could vent on me if she had a hard day at work or anything. We were both seeing other people when we met and continued to do so but for me much less because I wanted more time with her and I let her know that. I told her I was willing to give up the others to have her all to myself and asked her if she was willing to do the same for me. She never gave me a direct answer. As a matter of fact she never gave me a direct answer to many inquiries. She professed that she just likes to come home and drink whiskey or beer.(Red flag #3) She keeps a box of condoms in her night stand next to her bed and few weeks ago I asked her if she has been with any one. She stated that she hasn't been for a couple of months, but we also haven't had sex for a couple of months. So this was very suspicious. So over memorial day she invited me over to go swimming and asked me to stop and get a bottle of whiskey on the way. So I did and smuggled it into the pool in her complex. We had a nice time in the pool, I was hugging and kissing her in the water, it was nice. We went back to her place and a friend of hers at the complex was there with her 2 kids making carne assada tacos and drinking some stiff ass drinks. I snuk in her room to check her "condom drawer" and was shocked to find that the box of condoms was used up and a few from the new box were used/gone as well. So I decided to confront her about this. I asked her to come outside to talk. We had a quiet argument. She was pretty smashed at the time. I told her what I wanted and she said she didn't want any of those things. I told her that she doesn't know what the f--- she wants. I told her I needed to know the score between us. And she told me that "I am her friend with benefits. So now the truth finally comes out but I had to argue it out of her. I told her she must be the "benefit queen" because I looked in her drawer to find all the missing condoms. Her jaw hit the floor. Once again I told her that she doesn't know what she wants and left before this drunk argument escalated. I woke up the next morning still pretty upset and sent her a text saying how disgusted and disappointed I was with her and her lies and what a w---- I think she is. She texted me back that if she was such a hoe that she would have been f--- ing me the whole time. I texted back later that afternoon after looking up w---- in the dictionary which defines a w---- as a promiscuous immoral woman or a venal or unscrupulous person. So I texted her that if she was trying to hurt me that her stupidity failed her and that she fit the definition to a T. She texted back that she knew I was hurt and to leave her alone that we are done. So I sent out 1 last text stating that supposed I wrote letters to her work and mother telling them what an irresponsible out of control drunk she is and that I texted her daughter that I was sorry for not being a strong enough influence on her mother drinking her life away in front of her. Well I did none of these things. The point being that she has made her self vulnerable by the way she conducts her life; wished her good luck and said Good bye....> She is sooo cold hearted and uncaring or the booze is making her that way???

I was seein my ex recently casually... it was more of friends with benefits... I was doing my thing and he was doing his... we were talkin on a daily basis and hangin out about once a week... this past weekend, another chick he was seein calls me up and proceeds to tell me everything and anything they have done... it was more information than I needed to know... I haven't talked to him since... I know I shouldn't be mad but it stings... I'm not quite sure how to handle it...

i agree. we as women take so much from guys and vice versa. if ur not happy in a relationship for any reason try to talk it out if thats not enough then take action and break away from the abuse(verbal or physical. your partner should be with you for who you are and both partners should give 100% everyday, if not then its not worth it.by the way good guys dont always lose it just takes us women awhile to see through all the bs and find the nice ones!!!

Rich, every smart woman worth a damm knows that the time to walk away is when you see them walking towards you.... If they make eye contact or get a chance to say hello, the game has been given over to the opponent...

I use the "ten foot" or "arm's length" rule...>>>if you can keep them that far away, you can avoid unnecessary and pointless engagement with socially dysfunctional life-destroying psychic vampires...which are, frankly, *everywhere*...duh, look around... If they weren't, you would have nothing to complain about... The fact that you have any problems whatsoever is testamony to the fact that you engage and hang around with complete and total life-wasters!!! Walk away before they speak!!!

So-Duh!!!

I'd be worried about your attraction to these women in destructive relationships. If they continue to stick with their a-hole boyfriends then I don't see how you could find them attractive or intriguing.

The rest of your article is good though. The only thing I would add is the repeated liar. Honesty is important in a relationship.

i totally agree with ur point. i think women stay in bad relationships because they feel they cannot find anyone better and can't stand the thought of their boyfriend being with someone else. i think i am in the same situation... my boyfriend repeatedly says hurtful things to me and lies about watching pornography while i am away (even when our sex life is in crisis). I asked him to work things out with me and even broken up with him 4 times already. but every time we got back together, i feel we just pick up from where we left off... he gives in no effort... i encourage those women who are in bad relationships find their way out! we deserve to be happy!

It is interesting and i have noticed the same situation from guys too actually. There is one couple I know, he loves her unconditionally, but she is only using him ... to not to be single. She has other guy in mind who she loves and wants to make him jealous. Therefore she is dating this one. He is so nice to her, he gives her gifts says sweet things, but in response she either ignores him or answers mean things. Now the question is WHY DOESN'T HE DUMP HER?
YEAH i know it is hard to believe, but love does exist. Sometimes whatever the couple is going through does not change the way they feel about each other. We people came up with " love" and we make ourselfs believe that it exists. Word "LOVE" is already programmed in our brain. And we think if we let go of that person we won't be able to live without them. What can we do? It is just confusing HUMAN NATURE

Every kind of abuse is wrong, but I think lots of women don't like to admit sometimes that maybe THEY are the ones abusing their men. I'm a woman and I have witnessed so many of my girl friends that have broken it off with a guy because of what he said and claimed it was verbal/emotional abuse. Ladies, men get angry sometimes, but usually because we provoke them.

I'm not making excuses for men that have abused women, but there is a difference between abuse and a disagreement.

My ex. and I broke up a few months ago. I had a conversation with her new roommate who has hated me for awhile now. Your blog is correct on many things. But if, as in my situation, there were none of the above. Of course there were the occasional, "I didn't mean what I said" from both of us. But her friends and sisters, who are all single, make me to be the bad guy, because I am not perfect. And she listen. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't terrible either. When talking to her roommate, she gave an example of "how I mistreated" my ex. She forgets that other part of the conversation that made me said what I said.

I love this line...>>>But ask yourself: isn't it be better to be alone than to be with someone that mistreats you or doesn't give you what you deserve?<<<

Yes, it is...which is why I HIDE BEHIND the boyfriend in question!! He hurt me, abandoned me, made me lose my job, humiliated me in front of the entire town, the world and all my friends...and it's FABULOUS!!! I love the fact that I can hide behind this pain FOREVER!!!

He's a great guy and all... I would see him in a heartbeat if he could find the moxy to face me...but he knows what he's done...he's totally ashamed...the whole town is scratching their heads and wondering...and I am free as a fricking bird!! No stupid man to deal with!! Yay!!

Or, if any try, I simply pull out my super fat bag of emasculating tricks and soon, the strongest, most alpha-male is milque-toast!! FUNNY!! Who needs movies???!! Real life is a flat out freaking GAS!!! HAAAAAhahahahahhahahahh!!!

Jerks!! They will *NEVER* get me!!!

I really spend a lot of tme laughing at the pain and self-torture that many women seem bound and determined to set themselves up with...hey, no doubt I used to be the same way, but you learn and you grow...and you, as a woman, find out that men need you FAR MORE than you will EVER need them!!! teehee!!! hehehehehe it's no secret now...now you know my best technique!! It's called FREEDOM, Ladies!!! Try it on for size!! The whole rest of the female world wishes they had the cahnce at what we do...If you blow your chance at freedom...you let down about a million other oppressed women around the globe... Grab yer freedom, Girls!! No one but me will tell you!!!

:) ♥♫☼♫♥

I totally agree with all the reasons above why women should walk away no matter how much a woman loves her man. I've been divorced a year and it was the best decision I've made along with returning back to school. I just wish I had left him years ago instead of hoping, wishing, and waiting but unfortunately, life and love doesn't come with manuals and we all have to live and learn from the choices we make be it good ones or bad. I'm a believer in "thru thick and thin" and believe that everyone should be giving the "benefit of the doubt". But after a while that gets frustrating when the person you love supposedly loves you continue to take your loyalty for granted.

Thankfully, I didn't suffer from physical or emotional abuse nor infidelity from my ex but the drug, alcohol dependency and lack of motivation to ensure a better future became more than I could handle. Suggesting counseling and trying to work things out wasn't enough to save the marriage until it was too late for him.........when I finally realized to except it for what it was and walked away. So I cut my losses, counted my blessings and moved on. That experience taught me to never settle again. If it doesn't fit don't force it. What you see today is what you going to get tomorrow.

Okay I know that this will relate somewhat to the article but when I think of this, the first thing that pop into my mind are Madea's words of wisdom ( Madea goes to jail) which is a fantastic play, here's the clip : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE&feature=related skip to 4:37

Tyler Perry's character wanted to pointed out that some people will put up with certain situations just for the sake of love to have that person in there life, and that if someone wants to walk out of your life let them go, learn to live, love and be by your self. It makes no sense to be in a relationship if you cannot learn to love your self first, just be patient and wait, work on your self that's what the personal time is for. Never let a man mistreat treat you, as they say love is not suppose to hurt, but we all make mistakes, and that is just part of growing up. It is up to the person to walk away from physical abuse, verbal abuse, cheating and so on.

The question that person should ask is do I really want to stay in a situation knowing that my boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse is constantly hurting me in such a way that I cannot be my self. If you know the answer to that question then why should you continue to be in a harmful relationship?

But Rich has been all of these men as well, if you need his blog he has mentioned being a Judgmental A hole and I find people like that to be abusive. I do agree with his article this time.

I married young. I am Catholic and I don't believe in divorce. I have done everything I can imagine to work on fixing the problems...the other half isn't interested. What can I do but slug through the marriage, keep my distance from the other half and hope he doesn't bother me too much? I have not had kids yet, and I won't. Nice guys approach me all the time...I can only smile, and tell them I am married, while thinking to myself "I wish".

Hi: I likewise wonder why you appear to be attracted to girls who are in abusive relationships...could it be hmmmmmm..the superhero complex? Are you a fixer, or rescuer? Understand: I see nothing wrong with it if you arel just ask yourself if you will be on to the next "rescue project" after you rescue one of these? Also, do you perhaps feel you look better in comparison to these total tools? A sign of insecurity perhaps..hmmm....again I can relate? I know I look a lot better next to a lying, cheatin, whoring slut! LOL

YES Rich! It IS better to be alone than = to be with someone that mistreats you or doesn't give you what you deserve!! People should realize this, and if they can't see it, then they are in a bad place because of being blinded by "love" and should get out. Love DOESN'T HURT!

i agree alot wit da author

if your are not happy then why are YOU sticking around???
its takes an inner courage to stop ....and.... walk the way around
a key ? i think we should ask ourselves is "is it worth it?"
because if what u put out there is not what ur receiving
then you do you continue to struggle and fight (alone)

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