"I knew this would happen!"
Have you ever said that to yourself after a relationship has ended? I have. You have a gut feeling about someone and you still decide to ignore it anyway and let yourself go down the road toward the inevitable firestorm that's going to occur. And when everything blows up in your face, you second-guess every move you have ever made in regards to this relationship. Then, you wonder why you allowed it to happen in the first place.
"Why didn't I see this coming?"
It's not fair to blame yourself for not trusting your gut. Sometimes gut feelings are wrong, albeit rarely, and it's okay to want to trust the person you're dating; because without trust, a relationship can never blossom. If you set yourself up for failure from the get-go, then you're not doing yourself any favors. In fact, you may be sabotaging what could be a wonderful experience.
"Why didn't I just ask?"
But it's when you see something that is clearly wrong and you choose to ignore it that you're going to have a problem. This means that when there is an issue, you should address it and be very upfront about your feelings so you can get the answers you need from your partner. If your paramour is not paying attention to you and simply says it's because of his/her job, then you need to evaluate that statement. If your partner is career-centric and everything takes a seat until he has free time to spend with you, or even text you, call you or email you, then you need to decide whether or not you can handle that in the long term. If you can't, then explain your feelings and try to move forward as best you can. With or without your partner.
"I should have known."
You can't know everything about someone unless you ask. And if the person you're with won't engage with you and explain why they are acting the way they are, then you need to decide whether you want to be with someone who fails to communicate their feelings. Someone who can't talk to you is not going to make for a good partner/wife/husband in a long-term relationship. And whenever you're with someone, you should always try to weigh the pros and cons in terms of marriage or domestic partnership (if that's where you want it to head).
"If only I had done things differently."
Again, don't blame yourself. I am guilty of not wanting to "rock the proverbial boat," and have ignored issues that should have been addressed in past relationships. Or I have addressed issues seemingly endlessly, only to get the same non-descript answers. If you feel that you are consistently banging your head against the wall, then evaluate the relationship and take yourself out of it. What would you tell a friend if they were in the same situation?
It's not always easy to talk about the hard stuff with your partner. And if you don't even feel like you have a right to ask, or if you feel that asking is going to cause problems, then realize THAT'S a problem in itself. Speaking from experience, if you don't feel that you can communicate your feelings to someone in person, or even on the phone and you're only comfortable texting or emailing, then you're really not as close as you think you are. Relationships are a two-way street. So try to do the hard thing and talk. If your partner isn't talking, then trust your gut. Get out while you can and try to do it as gracefully as possible.
For more breakup recovery tips and advice, check us out at BrokenHeartedGirl.com.