By Monique Zamir, BounceBack Editorial Staff
There's nothing worse when you're hurting from a relationship breakup or divorce than having to deal with seeing your former lover. It's like having an elephant in the room. The situation only results in confused feelings and mixed emotions, and only gives you more complications to deal with. However, in many situations it is unavoidable to completely stop seeing your ex, and in such cases it is important to be as aware of your actions as possible.
So, say you're divorced, if you have children, it would obviously be optimal for the two of you to remain on good terms. And it goes without saying that there are many different situations underlying a divorce. Assuming that you are in a position to potentially be on good terms with your ex at some point in time, it is preferable that you avoid unnecessary contact with them for the time being. For those unavoidable times where you do see them, try to handle the situation the best way that you can. Everyone deals with these situations differently; the important thing is to at least have an idea of how best to deal with the issues surrounding a divorce while giving sufficient attention to your own recovery. Keep in mind why you're getting divorced in the first place, and be sure to give yourself plenty of time to heal.
With children in the picture, it's important to try to keep their interests in consideration while undergoing a divorce. Keeping both parents in children's lives (in most cases, at least) is important to maintain as healthy a home life as possible. A key component is really as simple as keeping meetings as brief as possible in the time following the divorce. You'll never let yourself heal if you keep spending time with your ex. Hopefully, after some time you'll be emotionally recovered enough to meet with your ex with minimal emotional strain. Until then, realize that as frustrating as it can be, you really need time with yourself before you can recover enough to see him or her again.
If you're dealing with a relationship breakup as opposed to divorce, it's slightly easier to keep from seeing your ex (after all, you don't have to worry about legal proceedings). It can be tougher, however, if you run in the same social circles or you work in the same place. If you do see them or have to interact with them, try as best as you can to keep things at a friendly level. Don't get involved in too much social interaction, but still try to acknowledge each other (unless you're on bad terms). Keeping a personal and emotional distance from them will make it easier to get over the romantic relationship that you had together.
In any situation, the point of this idea, if you really want to get over your ex, is to maintain a reasonable physical and emotional distance from one another in order to better get over your former relationship. Of course, it takes an extraordinary will to accomplish this, and it is natural to break and contact them for no particular reason at all. As long as you're putting in an effort and understand why it's important to avoid physical contact, you're already on a great track towards bouncing back.
Monique is a writer and recent college graduate transitioning to the working world. She currently resides in New York.
BounceBack is helping people find happiness after heartbreak from a relationship breakup or divorce. It's a place to tell your story, get advice from experts, and share what you've learned with others in similar situations. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back to life and move forward. www.bounceback.com
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