Photo: Creatas ImagesBy David Wygant for Cupid'sPulse.com
Let's talk sex.
I'm not talking about sex the way you think I'm talking about sex. I'm talking about why you need to hold out for sex when you first start dating a man. So, here's the deal.
Men love the chase, but women don't understand the art of the chase. Most women think that by not calling a guy back, holding back a text, e-mailing him three days later or appearing busy, that a man is going to want to chase her.
Guess what? That's totally wrong. That's not the kind of chase we like at all. In fact, that kind of chase actually drives us crazy. It's a waste of time, and it's sooo 1972. Instead, here are a few more realistic suggestions:
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Keep the desperation to a minimum
We want to know that you're attracted to us, and at the same time, we want you to make us feel like men. We want to feel like we seduced you, even if you were willing to go all the way that first night.
Be a tease
Men like to be teased. You give a little bit, and then you take away. You give a bit more, and then you pull back a bit again. But the key is that you're always moving forward.
Don't give in too quickly
Most women give in too quickly for sex. They often think that if they have sex with a guy, they're going to keep him around. In reality, by giving your man sex too quickly, it ends the best kind of chase around.
When you're out with a guy, it only takes a couple of dates - three, four, maybe five - and most women give in. They think to themselves, "If I don't have sex with him now, he's going to find somebody else…" The truth is, the more you tease him, the more he wants you, thinks about you and desires you.
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By following these tips, it'll also make it easier for you to gauge the maturity of the man you're with. You'll be able to separate the men from the man-boys. Here are some key benefits:
Mature guys will be patient
You see, man-boys want sex right away. Men will actually wait. They'll respect a woman and will actually play along and have fun with it; they'll tease you the same way you're teasing them.
By holding out for sex, you're going to be able to eliminate the guy that just wants a booty call. (Quick booty seekers will be weeded out within the first few dates.)
You'll learn to have fun first
Now look, we're adults, and we have cravings, and I know you're not going to hold out for months and months. But here's the deal: dating should be taken slow. It should be fun.
So, I would suggest you hold out on sex for a couple weeks. Even eight dates is totally acceptable. Sure, you can fool around and do some other things, but when it comes down to the real thing, get to know each other first, especially if you're looking for a relationship.
You can gauge consistency
Also, see how consistent he is with calling you back after dates. See how consistent he is with impressing you on a fun date. It's a great way to weed out the men from the boys.
Man-boys want sex right away. Real men understand what dating is all about and want to get to know you. Try it. Even if you can't resist the urge, wait an extra date or two and see if you're dealing with a real man.
David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, author of the new book Naked and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching and his website, his advice has transformed the dating lives and relationships of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe.