Alice anonymously chronicles her sometimes thrilling, sometimes romantic, sometimes boring, real-life sex life at Hot & Bothered. The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author.
According to a recent study, people whose latest sexual encounter was a casual one don't have any sort of different emotional status than those people whose latest sexual encounter was with a committed partner.
Wow! As someone who's single and dating, and, yes, have had a casual encounter or two in my past, this is something I've always known personally, but it makes me breathe a HUGE sigh of relief to have it acknowledged. We've all heard so much about how casual sex can be damaging, but this seems to show that casual sex - in itself - doesn't significantly change your emotional state. Now, of course, that all depends on your motivation. If people are having casual sex because they feel bad about themselves, because they want to get over a breakup, because they want to do something that takes them outside themselves - that's bad. But if they're doing it because they feel good, they like the person they're with, they feel attracted (and use protection, of course) - why shouldn't they?
But THEN, that's where all our social mores come in. When I was younger, I really felt like - if I liked someone and we had chemistry - why shouldn't we sleep together on the first date? I had a lot of fun, I lost a lot of random accessories, I saw a lot of real estate and - I think - became sexually confident. I don't regret it.
But now that I'm older, and really am seeking a committed, long-term relationship, I've been trying to hold off on sex until I'm really ready for it. Why? Because I feel like when something goes from zero to sixty so fast, it's really hard to dial down, to go back to the getting-to-know you stage - which is awkward and fun and scary, all at once.
Here's my problem: For as much as I say I'm all about holding off right now, I've also been on three dates with a guy who I went home with on the first date. Chemistry is great, but I wish I HAD held off, just so I could be more clear-headed.
What do you think? Have you ever had a one-night stand? Has it ever turned into anything more?
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