Why You Shouldn't Ignore Your Wedding Jitters


Experiencing stomach butterflies, sweaty palms, even the occasional doubt before your wedding may seem like run-of-the-mill cold feet, but a new study conducted by Florida State University found that people should listen to their gut instincts before walking down the aisle.

To conduct the experiment, James McNulty, PhD, an associate professor of psychology, asked 135 newlyweds to describe their marriages with basic adjectives such as, "good," "bad," "satisfied," and "unsatisfied," then examined their "gut feelings" about their relationships by having subjects play a word association game after quickly viewing their spouse's photos. When researchers checked in with the subjects four years later, they found that people who expressed negative or lukewarm gut feelings about their spouse, were the most unhappy in their marriages.

Although Yahoo Shine could not reach McNulty for comment, he said in a press release, "I think the findings suggest that people may want to attend a little bit to their gut. If they can sense that their gut is telling them that there is a problem, then they might benefit from exploring that, maybe even with a professional marriage counselor."

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It's the second study to lend weight to the validity of wedding jitters. In 2012, research conducted by the University of California, Los Angles found that people - especially women - who were uncertain or hesitant about walking down the aisle were likelier to divorce.

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Why, then, would someone say, "I do" if they really mean, "I don't?"

"The wedding industry has become so lavish and over the top - expensive gowns, massive guest lists, gimmicky ceremonies - that many people wind up burying their doubts or dismissing them altogether," Wendy Walsh, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, tells Yahoo Shine. "However, no matter how much a person buries their feelings, they will eventually surface and manifest."

One reason why shaky couples tie the knot is because many don't have blue prints for good marriages, says Walsh. People who are products of divorce - and children of baby boomers usually are - may not have context for healthy love, making it easier to subconsciously select the wrong mate.

What's more, couples are getting hitched later than ever: Barely half of U.S. adults are married and the median age at first marriage has never been higher - 26.5 for brides and 28.7 for grooms. And while delaying nuptials may provide more time to focus on careers and personal development, it may also creater elationship dissatisfaction. "Research shows that, for men, the more sexual partners they have - and delaying marriage may provide more sexual opportunity - the less satisfied they'll be with one partner." And a urgent biological clock doesn't help. "If a woman, has baby fever, that can be a big motivator for getting married," says Walsh.

There's a difference between wedding jitters ("Does my hair look good?" "Will my guests have fun?"), and marriage jitters ("I wish he were different" or "If it doesn't work out, there's always divorce") and it's important to understand the difference. "In any relationship, you should feel validated and respected, even when times are tough," says Walsh. "If you feel in your heart that your needs aren't getting met, it's time to speak up."

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