Poor Rob.
Did you ever see the "short guy" 20/20? Ten or so years ago, the ABC news show decided to do a little studio test, The anchors presented women with lineups of men-five at a time-from which to choose a date. To boost the shortest contender's chances, they trumped him up with fake selling points. Rob, for example, 5-foot-3, was billed as an MD. When no one wanted to go out with him, the show added: bestselling author, champion skier, and chalet owner. Still, no takers. Stu, only 5 feet tall, fared worse. Although he was supposedly a multimillionaire at the age of 25, the women wouldn't go near him. (You've got to read the transcript.) Asked what it would take, one said, "Maybe if the other four were murderers."
The whole thing makes me guilty, because as shallow as it is, I know how they feel. I've definitely dated guys below average height-5'9"-but I have always liked my men to tower, to slam-dunk the luggage rack on the plane, to walk beside me on a sunny day providing shade. One BF was 6-foot-6-slightly pushing it, perhaps, since I barely crack 5 feet.
"What really gets me are all the 5-foot women who only date taller men," says Chris Hamre when I reach him-thankfully!-on the phone. "It really cuts down our field." Hamre is the president of NOSSA, the National Organization of Short Statured Adults (a support network for males 5-foot-7 or under-Chris is 5-foot-3-and women 5-foot-2 and below.) I ask him if "heightism" is changing with spouses like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, model/author Sophie Dahl and musician Jamie Callum (pictured here), and French first couple Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy, changing the dating skyline.
"It's still hard," Hamre, 41, says. "When short men are successful, we're accused of 'compensating.' What are we supposed to do? Not be successful? ...But I think it's a little better."
"There's no evidence it's changing," emails Christine Stanik, PhD, a post doctoral researcher in the department of human development and family studies at Penn State University, who reviewed the scientific literature for Shine. Most researchers explain women's preferences for taller men-which is enhanced, fyi, during the fertile part of our cycle-by evolution, she says. "Height indicates good genetic quality." That, and a guy who can protect us-both from wild beasts on the veldt and from those bull and bear forces of the market since data also shows taller men earn more money.
So how common is the tall man thing? A 2007 study in Personality and Individual Differences found that only 4 percent of the women would date a man who was shorter (take a look.) Their ideal height was a little over 5-foot-11.
Should we snap out of it? This is a question for Andrea Syrtash, whose new book, He's Just Not Your Type (And that's a good thing), has a good section on Dating Down. "I was just at a book signing last night and we got into a whole dynamic discussion about height," she says breathlessly on the phone between planes at the Seattle airport.
Her big point is: By sticking with your height type you may be missing out on true love. "If you're thinking OMG, I'm forcing myself to kiss this short person, don't go there," she says. "But if you hear that whisper, saying there's something to this guy, listen."
How to Break A Height Type: Syrtash suggest three ways:
* Explore what's really behind your tall ideal: "I want to feel protected," one woman told Syrtash at the signing. Another said "I don't want to feel big with him." Syrtash points out that you can be with a 6-foot-5 guy and not be safe at all. As for feeling like an Amazon, she tells the story (it's in her book) of a 6-foot woman whose shorter boyfriend adores her height. "He makes her feel like the sexiest, sassiest woman alive."
* Use your intuition: "I'm a big fan of falling into 'like.' We don't have to be crazy with fireworks. It could be more, hmmm I really like this person. He makes me laugh," Syrtash says. "Everyone should require chemistry and attraction. It might just come in a different package than you expected."
* What does he bring out in you? "It's not just the guy, but who you are when you're with him that's important," Syrtash says. Another story in the book is about her mom, who's an inch taller than her dad. "When she met him, and her friends asked if it was going anywhere, she said, 'No, I'm not going to wear flats to my wedding.'"
She didn't-but she did marry him, and they're still together. "She just felt more interesting around this interesting man," Syrtash says. "None of the women in my book settled. They had amazing chemistry."
What do you think?
[photo credit: Getty Images]
Here are "5 more things" to know about dating and mating..
5 Things You Can Tell by His Flirting Style
204 comments