When I was 18 years old and a newlywed, I thought about sex every night of the week. We did it in the morning, afternoon and night; in the living room, kitchen and bedroom. There was no reason not to have sex and then, children happened and everything changed. As the years passed, we started going longer and longer between bouts in the bedroom, but our happiness never faltered, but not all couples can survive a sexless marriage. Do you have a strong enough relationship with your spouse to live 10, 20, 30 years or more without sex?
What exactly is a sexless marriage? Some experts define a sexless marriage as one where the couple has sex less than 10 acts of intercourse in a year, but this is not a strict definition. If a couple has sex daily for the first year of marriage and then falls off to monthly or bimonthly, that could be considered sexless. If a couple never focused on sex as being a huge part of the marriage, having sex monthly may be a boost, so each couple has to define "sexless" based on previous sexual experience. In the case of my marriage, we have sex when we feel like it and don't when we're not in the mood. We don't count the number of times we have sex every month or year because our marriage is based on more than the total number of rolls in the hay.
There are more sexless married couples today than ever before -- or maybe society is just now noticing. When Professor Denise Donnelly from Georgia State University was interviewed by Tara Parker-Pope of the New York Times, she noted that more couples may be coming out about living in sexless marriages, but that does not mean the trend is increasing. Donnelly stated, "I suspect that we just hear more about it." I have to agree with Donnelly. When I was a teenager, my parents never talked about sex and I am certain my parents' parents never talked about sex, but today we have the sex talk with children as young as five and classes on sex are taught in middle and high schools. Sex is a common conversation topic. With more people talking, more people are likely admitting to living married without sex.
Can a married couple live without regular sex? The simple answer is yes, a married couple can go without sex for a prolonged period, but that does not mean a sexless marriage is healthy. According to Medline Plus, sex gives couples a sense of well-being in a relationship, but physical intercourse does not mean a couple is necessarily happier. A recent study revealed women are happier in a marriage when there is more cuddling, kissing and tender touches. These actions often lead to sex, so being more intimate may be the answer for couples living in a sexless marriage.
Living in a sexless marriage is something some couples have grown accustomed to over the years. If having sex once a month keeps a couple happy, there is nothing wrong with maintaining that frequency. If a couple is unhappy with the number of times sex happens, it is time to light a flame in the relationship and start cuddling more and spending a bit more time on intimacy.
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