User Post: Crying It Out At Bedtime

So sad to read this. She is probably passed out from crying so much.....and she definitely feels abandoned...don't kid yourself!

I have two boys.one that will be 9 in May and 1 that will be one right before Christmas.My 8 year old felt left out when his little brother came home until i asked him to help me tend to his brother.Now he is happier then he was when his brother first came home.

Sure, I had both kids cry it out, and it wasn't that difficult. I think, however, that a lot of the rules we put into place at the very beginning helped.... Neither one of our children has EVER slept in the same bed as us. Once they reached a certain age, neither one of them slept in the same room, either. We had some issues when we moved for the first (and only) time during their childhoods... the older was five and the younger three. They used to sleep in the hallway, up next to our door, and I fell over them every morning. After about two weeks, they relented and then worked out an odd system where they slept together... alternating between their bedrooms. That, they kept up for the better part of a year.

Sounds like she's a little jealous and confused about the new baby , which is perfectly understandable. Maybe you could try getting her more involved with taking care of the little one, like having her bring you diapers when the baby needs to be changed, or bath supplies at bath time or little tasks like that that will make her feel involved and important. You could also try scheduling in some special time for just the two of you (while daddy takes care of the new baby) to do something fun that she really likes -- that will let her know that she's still special and loved no matter what.

Do you have enough room for her bed in your room? If so, trying moving her there for a while until she gets used to her brother. She might feel some anxiety or apprehension about you caring for someone other than her. Try another method. I hated hearing my son cry especially when he knew I was right there. Give her a lot of activities before bedtime. I like to run around the island in the kitchen with my son. He's too tired to put up any fights by bedtime. But don't you dare feel inadequate. I have a newborn and cannot afford to feel down on yourself. ASK FOR HELP!!! We want to do everything on our own and be perfect moms and dads, but some things we cannot handle on our own. I wish you and your family the best.

I tried the CIO method too, but it did not work for my son either. He just made one and I wanted my bed back. Since we co-sleep, I didn't have a convertible crib, so I bought him a toddler bed. He watched my sister and I put it together so he was pretty excited the entire time. During the process I would tell him, "this is your bed." I put it next to my bed in my room. I thought I would have trouble but he needed his space and I needed mine. I put him in the bed and he whined for a minute, but I told him it was his bed. He watched me until he went to sleep (I guess to make sure I didn't leave him) and I was close enough to hold and rub his hand. It's only been a couple of days, but I haven't had a problem from him. He's my little man!!

I think it's a misjudgment to say that kids that cry at bedtime are just trying to stay up later; really, they want/need your attention. If you ignore the cries and they give up after 15 minutes, fine. But letting them cry a whole hour or more is just cruel. When our daughter cried excessively, we let her sleep in the bed with us and that settled it. It was about attention, not rebellion. When it was about rebellion, she would be sneaking out of bed and coming downstairs smiling, not crying. Simple consistency on making her go back to her own bed solved that problem. But if they're truly scared or lonely I don't have a problem with sharing the bed once in awhile.

CIO is & has been proven as effective. dont let anyone else tell you its wrong unless that what you feel. just like breastfeeding isnt for everyone, coddling a child isnt always the solution.
<3 best of luck to you & ur family

CIO = lazy parenting. It's easier to shut the door and listen to the cry than to actually be a parent. I feel sorry for your children. :(

I hear your exhaustion, and I'm sorry you are to a point where you feel that CIO is the only option. I urge you to reconsider, for a number of reasons. Right now, your daughter is going through a huge emotional upheaval, with the appearance of a new sibling. Her world is suddenly different, and like with any big life change, there is going to be an adjustment period. Ignoring her needs at nighttime, especially now during a time where she is needing reassurance that she is still important, is hurtful to the connection between yourself and her. CIO also raises the cortisol levels in the brain and causes immense stress.

Had the same problem with mine after our second girl was born. I got tired of it so I started putting her in bed (Dad didn't want to be the bad guy) and left her there. When she came out of the room I took her back. Took about two weeks but she learned. Now she knows when we put her to bed she has to stay in bed.

Phil, I didn't realize letting my child learn to soothe themselves to sleep was wrong. Crying it out is not wrong or selfish it gives the child the ability to cope with their feelings and there are numerous studies published on the benefits off this technique. Now every child is different and I would really wish this world would understand not everything is black and white. Some children when they become to emotional can vomit which can obstruct breathing or go into asthma attacks so obviously this solution is not for them but who are you to decide what is right or wrong. I didn't realize her child came out your vagina.Because that is the only way you have any say.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and my son is 4 months and bed time is rough and getting rougher. She fights getting her teeth brushed and putting her jammies on and even giving good night love. She wants controll. Right now we are working that if she is difficult she does not get a book before bed. This worked last night as she lost her book the night before. However she has major melt downs when we put her to bed with out a book. So I do not know how to handle it but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I tend to agree that maybe crying it out is not the best thing here. If she was not having to cry it out before the baby came, it shows that she is disrupted and disturbed by the newness of things. Make a special bedtime routine for her. She most likely needs some reassurance and special time with you. Reverting is common when a new baby is born into the family. It is not going to spoil her, it will simply reaffirm the fact that you will be there. It is proven that children that KNOW mom and/or dad will be there, are confident as they grow older. They know that if they try and fail, or need compassion that you will be there. If you ignore her completly, or do not make her feel secure in this situation it can lead to serious jealousy of the baby. My son could not cry it out, even when he was little because he would seriously vomit, cover himself, his bed etc after just a few minutes. Like I said, in some situations crying it out is fine, kids have to learn to self soothe, but with the addition of the new baby, that she did not ask for, give her some extra attention, while keeping on explaining why the baby has to have you at night, and she needs sleep.

I've heard ppl have great success with "crying it out" Not my son. He'd cry, scream, and then puke...everywhere. We'd go in, clean him up, and try again. same result. after the third or 4th night of going through ALL 6 sets of crib sheets, and STILL not getting him to sleep on his own, we gave up. He's almost 2 now and he still likes to be held before going to sleep. We've tried off and on as he got older to just let him cry it out. We've timed him out at 3 1/2 hours of NON-STOP screaming before we gave up. For me, it just wasn't worth the massive headache every night. Instead, he has a bedtime routine of lights out, me or my husband holding him, and usually within 10-15 minutes he's out. I've been told that transferring them to their bed disorients them, but he shows no signs of disorientation upon waking. For some families, the letting them scream it out may work. for others, like ours, it's waaaaay more of a headache than it's worth. And btw, I was one of those babies that it didn't work on either. (my little sister it did) and neither of us were allowed to walk all over our parents as we got older. Rules exist for a reason, yes, but they should not be so inflexible that they simply don't work for your family

It has to be done, I can totally see where you're coming from. My oldest was the worst sleeper I could ever imagine and she was the only baby out of everyone I knew/met that wouldnt sleep!! (she's 7 now and can still manage on very little sleep) I can relate to being just exhausted and letting them cry - you literally have to!! It will get better but DONT GIVE IN!! that's so important!! As for the poster that asked why 'selfish people' have kids?? Get a grip!! You've obviously never been up for 15 hours straight and NEED to get to bed.

Cry it out is cruel and wrong. Why do selfish people have kids anyway?

My 2 yr old goes through the not-wanting-to-sleep scenerio. Not because of another baby in the house, but simply because he's 2 and doesn't want to go to sleep and he's going through "the change", a/k/a terrible 2s! He sometimes throws a fit and throws himself to the ground. I let him and just look at him like " sorry little dude" and pay it no attention. Not letting him hurt himself, of course. Plain and simple, IT"S ALL PART OF THE LEARNING PROCESS SWEETY! For parents and kids. Little tip: When putting her to bed, make it a special mommy and baby time or daddy and baby time. Get her a favorite blanky, favorite toy or book, and cuddle with her before u lay her down to sleep. When she cries from not wanting to sleep, go inro her room and lovingly tell her it's nite-nite time and time for her to lay down and go to sleep. Kiss her then lay her down again. If she continues, sometimes it's okay to lightly yell lay down sweety and go to sleep!!! But kids like routine. Make a beditime routine. And remember most importantly, YOU ARE THE PARENT and DON'T LET ALL THE ADVICE YOU HEAR CONFUSE YOU!!! BELIEVE and STILL WITH WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!! GOOOD LUCK!!!

I'm the oldest of five kids, and the occasional third parent to my youngest sister, nearly 17 years my junior. The first time Mom and Dad told me I was going to be a big sister, my three-and-a-half-year-old self was pretty psyched - I was a legit "big girl," and my parents were counting on me to behave as such. The ability to communicate with them about the life changes associated with adding another kid to the household definitely made the transition easier than it was for my sister when baby brother arrived 15 months after she did. All of a sudden she was expected to walk practically everywhere, and when he cried for a feeding or a diaper change, she joined in, no matter what she had been doing previously. CIO might not be the best option in your situation, since it may come off as a double standard for you to give him attention when he cries, but to pretend to ignore her screaming. They're going to compete for your love and attention until they get the clue that there's plenty for both of them, and for any other siblings who may crash the party later on. Just keep your cool, catch as many nap opportunities as possible, and be ready to reassure your daughter of her place in the family and encourage her to take little steps toward independence and self-confidence.
(Follow up: My sister and brother have survived to adulthood without any major sibling-rivalry related incidents, and she still occasionally wakes me up at night, forgetting that I am old and prefer to be asleep by 10, maybe 10:30, so I can wake up when the dogs decide it's time to go outside early in the morning.)

Why do you feel crying it out is for her own good in the long run? What exactly is she going to get out of it?
Sounds like this is a really stressful time for all involved but can you imagine how hard it is for a little one to suddenly have to share the attention with a new sibling?
My son was only 2 when my daughter was born and man it is hard and draining. But I think reassuring him that he is still important and loved and part of it all was especially important during those early days of his sister's life.
I don't think seeking that closeness and reassurance is particularly unusual/spoiled/wrong of her to do. And responding to her is not going to 'spoil' her.
I don't think you are inadequate either. You are tired. Sleep deprivation is a horrid thing. It makes us consider actions we'd otherwise never even dream of.
When a new baby arrives the older child suddenly seems so grown in comparison. I sometimes have to remind myself that in fact they are still little too. :)