Why aren't you singing to your baby?

Six years and 3,758 repetitions of "You Are My Sunshine" in, I assumed that every mother I know was singing to her child or did when they were still being diapered, rocked, and placed in the crib with ninja-like precision. Perhaps it was clingy stereotypes or the fact that I only heard my son's father squeaky out a few lines of "Su-su-sudio" over and over that didn't stir up that same assumption about dads. Even so, I was surprised to hear during playgroup that most of the parents there didn't sing to their kids, before bed or even when nothing else seems to soothe a cranky baby.

Were they waiting for the day when their toddlers could sing along with them? Or maybe they were uncomfortable singing aloud? Or don't know the words to lullabies and kiddie tunes? Perhaps they'd been judged for being a bit pitchy in their pre-parenting days?

Although these explanations are all understandable and pretty common, say musicians Marcy Marxer and Cathy Fink, sharing music with your children is a powerful parenting tool.

"Not everyone has had music lessons," says Fink . "There's no special, magic skill. Here's the good news about that: Your baby won't judge you. Your baby doesn't know if you have a good voice. You are the first voice or one of the first voices your child heard, which makes singing and your sound a way to bond even more.

Singing, she says, is also another way to communicate with your child, which helps before, during, and after a child develops language.

Playing together for 25 years and with multiple GRAMMY awards and a mantle-full of other honors for making family-friendly music, Marxer and Fink's newest project is called "Sing To Your Baby." The 11-song CD with accompanying book coaches parents and caregivers who want to use music as a way to boost their confidence and help develop their child's communication skills. The musicians use catchy lyrics and guitars, a banjo, ukulele, cello, and other instruments and psychologist and educator Laura G. Brown adds her tips for using the songs to ease transitions, give signals and soothe babies.

Marxer and Fink say they're both bringing "lovely musical memories" with their mothers into this project and want other parents to share that same expression of love through singing. Here's how they advise all parents, the singers and the heretofore-silent, get started.

1. Unplug. Of course, they want you to fire up the CD, but Marxer and Fink say it's critical that parents let go of "the 17 distractions" they have on at all times. That means setting aside the iPhone, clicking off the television, silencing the dings on the laptop. Turning off these things will help you tune into your baby and have fun yourself, uninterrupted.

2. Let the songs grow with the children and get older kids involved. If there are siblings in the house or kids of different ages, come up with a song to welcome the baby to the family. Or have older children teach younger ones their favorite songs. As babies grow, use the familiar songs (or simply adjust the lyrics) to fit their needs and development. Add a few lines to a simple repetition song or make the tune or lyrics more sophisticated. Get kids in on rhyming, add finger plays and hand motions.

3. Let the ladies sing along with you. The CD is designed to make you feel comfortable with songs so much that you are soon singing aloud with ease. Parents can also put one earbud in so they can hear just enough of the music to guide them along and still be able to be present and attentive to their baby.

4. Don't be so serious. Singing to your baby should be fun and creative and enjoyable. Marxer says, "Singing draws us all in because it's loving and playful. It's also primitive. It's built in to each of us." Releasing those worries or self-criticisms or discomforts that have kept you from sharing music with your child -- even for a few minutes a day -- will help you all grow. And no matter how bad your voice is or how many times you stumble over lyrics, they say the baby always wins.

5. Start today. "It's never too early and it's never too late," Fink notes. "If you have fun and enjoy it, so will the kid."


Do you sing to your kids? What are your favorite songs to belt out at bedtime or in the car?

If not, what's held you back from crooning with your kids?



More on Shine:
3 albums the whole family can dance to
How music and learning are linked for kids
4 affordable instruments for children