5 Steps to Say 'No' (With Kindness)

Hip Hip Hooray!!! Thank you so much!!! Especially in my Church, I am dragged into time consuming family ignoring projects that although interesting and sometimes rewarding--should have been turned down. Now I can gracefully get out of these commitments and have the time for the ones I really love!!! I mean sometimes it's not worth the financial gain to be taken away from quality time with family. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

i think just say "NO! you moron" is the best way to say no.

Great post! It's generally a lot harder for women to say "no" because they've been taught to say "yes", without thinking. I've made a deliberate effort to say "no" more -- always with a big smile, and "thanks for asking" -- and it's really helped me feel empowered to choose what I *want* to spend my time on, and to really focus on the projects that matter. I heartily recommend it to anyone.

Wimps, if you choose not to participate, agree, grant, etc., then look them in the eye and say "no"! For one, I appreciate someone who speaks up, damn at least I know where they stand!

I don't recall ever meeting a vampire in my life..

This is very helpful! I have learned to say no but haven't always remembered to be gracious enough to show interest in the project and to thank for being asked. I do think that's an important component.

This didn't really tell me anything... I'll still be saying 'yes'.

Say no to a friend in crisis? Are you kidding me?! No way would I turn away a friend in crisis if there's anything I can do for them! What a selfish attitude!

There are of course times we have to say no and times we can't take everything people ask of us, but this article is such nonsense. It encourages lying by telling to tell people you "have an overlapping commitment" if you don't want to do something. If that's true, fine, but give a small bit of detail so the person doesn't think you're just blowing them off!

And what's this with "Most often, people just want to feel important enough for you to listen."??? Usually, if someone wants you to listen but not take part, they won't ask you to. If they need your help, mere acknowledgement is not all they're looking for.

The only valid point to this article is that sometimes we have to learn how to say no. And the advice given on the matter was to lie. It was poorly written, poorly organized, had next to no informative value, and is just plain bad form. Not to mention the terrible vampire analogy. Vampires are suddenly all the rage, we get it. And we don't care.

i just say no, i think its rude when someone guilts you into something, or dont let you decline before they tell you details and assume. I say no all the time its so liberating

A well known national charity asks me every year to ask my neighbors for money. My neighbors are sick of it, and have not contributed for years. I keep saying NO to this charity, but they send me the kit every year. They are wasting precious money. They need to find a better way to raise funds. In my case, saying No didn't/doesn't work.

you lost me when you compared me to vampires.
no thank you.

I like the comments by "churchballfan" who has 3 successful businesses. What are other secrets to your success?

I also like the fact that there are gracious ways to say no.

My feelings are that it is important to listen to your heart. Ask the person if you can "sleep on it." If you have doubts, are analyzing the effort, and just keep hemming and hawing, then saying no is the best way to go.

But if it truly feels right, be open to possibilities. Sometimes when you say yes, the efforts you make will come back from an entirely different source at a different time and place, when YOU can use the unexpected blessings!

And, you can also suggest another source of help! Listen to your gut.
Be gracious...it is so easy to be pleasant whether saying yes or no.

I loved the ending comment...saying no is like saying yes to yourself.

one time,Say NO ! and don't carry for 9 months in your womb !

Yes saying No directly is not an easy task to a gratitude person like me

down with hope and up with dope

I agree with the message, but:
1) Most often, people just want to feel important enough for you to listen.
Not true. If they have asked for your help, consider the fact that it might have been because they could use your help, not because they need you to stroke their ego.
2) If "no" itself is too hard, you can say you have an overlapping commitment.
So, someone who feels guilty about saying "no" will feel less guilty about lying? How about just saying you appreciate the person thinking of you, but you're not up for the task, and leaving it at that. It's your life - you don't owe an explanation. :)

I really don't see the problem. I've never had a problem saying no in my life. In Seattle, you're constantly inundated with help the children, save the wales, starving homeless. It is absolutely constant. Then there are the million and one school fund raisers - sell ugly wrapping paper, help with the tree sale, donate to this or that plus donating to my friends kids stuff. Then, of course, your friends need help with this or that or the other thing. At work, people will get you to do their work if they can so they can sneak off and socialize (well, they are graduate students after all).

If I didn't know how to say no I'd be:
broke!
a terrible mother!
a horrible teacher!
and have no free time!

I have no problem saying no. I also have no problem saying yes. It just depends on the question.

Don't use the word "sorry" when you say no. They can then try to talk you out of your reason for saying no.They think you want to say yes. It leaves them with a mixed messege. Pesonal boundries helped me. They do stop asking after awhile!

dosn-----thank you ---NO!!!