One day, our daughter will come to me and ask that burning question, the one that plagues all girls. She will want to know how I knew I was in love with her father, how I knew he was the one. She'll wonder if she'll ever find her true love or whether she is destined for a life of loneliness. And this is what I will tell her:
Love isn't something you go looking for because when you do, you never find it. The main reason for this is that love rarely comes in the form you imagine. I never expected to marry a younger man, and your father most definitely never expected to marry an older woman. In fact, I'd dare say he spent many years looking for love in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. When we met, neither of us was looking at all. We had both pretty much decided to give up and just enjoy life, try to be happy. Luckily, we found happiness together. It was a beautiful surprise.
In our case, love snuck up on us and bashed us in the heart when we weren't expecting it, when we weren't ready for it, when we imagined it would only become a complication we couldn't afford. It became an unwelcome distraction until we truly embraced it and all the entanglements. The more we fought it, the more troublesome love became until one day, we decided that we could fight it no more. We decided to let go and see what grew. And that's when it all just fell into place. And while I can't vouch for every couple, that's how it was for us.
See, as far as I can tell, the best relationships are those that are built on friendship, a friendship that grows, a connection that is formed. Your father and I are best friends. We have a connection. We work together and play together and struggle through everything together. And that's how it should be. The person you want to spend your life with should be the person you want to share everything with. There is no room in relationship for secrets or lies. Nothing will kill a relationship faster. Your father knew things were different with me when he realized he couldn't lie to me like he had to women in the past. Me, I knew things were different when I wanted to share everything when I didn't need to hold back, when I knew all my secrets were safe with him. That's a big part of love.
Love makes you want things you never wanted before. It makes you want to be better and different. Your father never imagined he would want children, but with me, he couldn't imagine not having children. He never imagined he'd want to be married, but me he trusted enough, loved me so much that he wanted to make it legal and binding. He gave up his old lifestyle to create a life with me and never felt like he was losing anything. And I had someone to encourage me in all my endeavors, to comfort me when life dealt its blows, and dream with me when I needed a bit of hope.
It took time. That is why I can tell you with absolute certainty that all you need to do is be patient. Love is out there. Stop looking and you will find it where you least expect it. And that is just the beginning. That's when the fun really begins.
When Nicki isn't musing about love lessons, she can be found writing about her family at Suddenly *Not So* Single Journey and What Dreamers Do.
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