Cricket. Breeze. Rainbow. Birdie.
Pop culture fans will recognize these as first names for some perfectly lovely babies whose celebrity parents, in my cranky opinion, deserve a good shaking.
Hey, I love syrup as much as the next guy, but seriously Jason Bateman, your little girl is Maple? And really Holly Madison, Rainbow Aurora was the name of choice for your bundle of joy? How could you?
As for you, "celebrity" Levi Johnston, who saddles an innocent baby with the name Breeze Beretta? Gentle winds always make us think of weaponry, said no one ever.
This crazy baby name trend seems to be escalating in celebrity-ville. With each new baby-name update -- Apple, North West, Blue Ivy -- I've scratched my head and wondered. Why do celebs want to call even more unwanted attention to children who are destined for life under a public microscope?
Of course, the crazy naming of celebrity kids is nothing new. (Moon Unit and Dweezil Zappa anyone?) But the contradictory logic here leaves me stymied. You've got celebs like Michael Jackson, hiding his kids faces from the public eye with masks and blankets, but also saddling them with names like Prince and Blanket. Is this the way to help your celebrity children have a sense of normality in their celebrity-bubble worlds?
I'll admit to having a heightened interest in names, famous and otherwise. My first name, Diana hasn't caused me problems, but my family name, lord help me, is Dull. Yes, Dull.
When you go through life with a name like "Dull," you hear every conceivable "joke" as a child. "You're never going to be very sharp!" "Hey want to be my friend? Oh wait, you're too dull!"
For me, it didn't stop with childhood. In my early 20s I went to culinary school where we engraved our professional knives with our last names. Wait for it. Yes, I was the source of endless sniggers for my "dull knives." Later I earned my doctorate and to the amusement of thousands of college students, I became "Dr. Dull." The jokes about how boring my classes must be? Endless.
Now my parents couldn't help that my last name is Dull. But with first names, we have choices!
So parents, celebrity or otherwise, think carefully if you're "feeling creative" come baby-naming time. No, we shouldn't all choose cookie-cutter, popular names of the day. Unique names can be great! But folks, be kind. They may embrace eccentric names like Velvet Moonbeam when they're 20, but as a kid? They're going to want to shake you something fierce.
Let's put it this way: If little Breeze Beretta comes packin' some day, I won't be surprised.
Diana Dull Akers is a mom to a feisty six-year old with a non-crazy name, a sociologist, and freelance writer. In addition to writing Parenting Guru blogs for Yahoo, she is a children's reading advocate/blogger for Bookboard.com.