10 Things Not To Say to Your Childfree Friends

The more I know about having kids, the less I understand why anyone would want them. When someone asks me "do you want kids?" all I hear is "do you want to be a servant and not get paid?". Um, no, I'm good, thanks. I have no problem with people who choose to have kids, I just get frustrated when people assume that deep down inside all women want to be a mother. It's like assuming, deep down inside, all women want to be accountants. It makes no sense to generalize like that, and it's insulting to assume that women don't have independent thoughts on the matter.

I'm childless by choice and NONE of the above comments bother me. If you want to keep your friendships with friends who are parents, take things with a grain of salt. I'm sure you say things to them that peeve them off just as much. Stop keeping score and try to be like an aunty to their kids. It takes a village to raise a child!

I am so thankful my friends are male and childless. Childfree male pride!

I've found that the ones who are the most critical about someone not wanting children are the ones that complain the most about how much they hate parenthood and how terrible their kids are. It's that whole "misery loves company" thing.

I don't have children but I have heard all of these from my friends and family members with children. I don't think they mean any harm, but sometimes they do seem to put things in terms of how much more important they and their lives are because they have children and I do not. At first I felt left out when they would have events with kids and other mothers, but then I realized, I didn't have to shell out for a present and listen to hours of talk about teething and feedings and diaper rashes and such.

Sometimes mothers can be quite condescending towards those who do not have children. I have heard everything from "WHY don't you have kids?" to "You will understand someday..." to "You aren't truly a woman until you have a child". Being a woman who struggles with infertility and desperately wants a child, these comments can be hurtful and uncomfortable.

I don't find any of these questions to be offensive, aside from the "When will you finally have kids?" question. Regardless, our friend with kids is 45 and her two sons are middle-school aged and a college freshman, respectively. She knows us well enough to recognize that different folks need different strokes.

Oddly enough, it's been women who barely know me (and either don't have kids and nose around in others' lives – or who have kids and hate their kids) who ask the truly prying and inappropriate questions. The best response I've ever read to "How come you're too selfish to have kids?" is "I like to spend my money on booze and gambling and waste the rest!" I'm going to try that one from now on.

Look at what the USDA cost estimates on raising a child from 0 to 18...I completely understand why some people would remain childless...childless people should also be rich...

Wow! This writer is very thin skinned. Kids depend on their parents. It's not the same as "I can't die, I'm a sister". I've never heard anyone say "your cat is your child", since parents know the major difference. I have heard childless people say "my pet is my child".

As for the shop/travel/sleep comment; maybe your friend actually means what she said. Maybe there aren't hidden messages in what others say.

I'm sorry, but I think people get their panties in a bunch too easily nowadays. The majority of my friends have children, but I do not have children. I don't get offended at all at the majority of these comments except the first one (which more just gets slightly annoying). Why? Because I'm not going to get in a little tiffy fit if a friend says something to me regarding the fact that I don't have a kid. I've never even let these comments phase me one bit.

I was raised not to have prejudices, so I don't for the most part. Everyone has a few, but it's just being passionate about your own stand point on things. I'm child-free by choice and find it a little appalling that there are a few people who have decided they're worth more because they're having kids and I'm not. So are the people with children who think they're of so much more value also saying that their kid's lives aren't worth much? What if your child grows up and decides not to have any kids? You're all saying that he or she wouldn't mean as much to you because he or she chose to live a life with no kids? Of course not, so it's really hypocritical to say that someone you don't even know doesn't mean as much compared to you upon death.

Why would you have an opinion about whether other people have children or not?
What possible motive would you have in making nasty or even snide remarks?
Just keep your opinions to yourself.
People often make assumptions and cause hurt feelings without thinking first.
My wife cried when we were first married because she wanted children so bad.
Then we had four and that was enough.
It is painful to watch them because each has to make their own mistakes.
It is also painful raising them because they will expose the flaws of the parents. Whew.

Families who stick together and support each other are powerful whether there
are two of you or six of you.
Tough times can bind families or destroy them. It is your choice.

I've never had anyone ask me if I was "hung over" considering I don't drink, and if I do it's usually a small bit of wine. So most people, co-workers, friends, family, are all aware of how I feel about drinking, they also know how I feel about being child-free by choice. I climb a huge hurtle with an old friend of mine, she had a child and I decided they weren't for me. She would end up getting offended easily when I would posted rants about strangers hounding me about my child-free status. She'd often side with them, and would always say "You'll change your mind"

It wasn't until we had our first huge fight, that she began to realize that I didn't condone her for having kids, in fact I supported her decisions. I figured in a sense we already understood one another, how I felt about not having children, was very similar to how she felt about having a big family. It wasn't that we were VERY different from one another, just our goals in life differed slightly. That was no reason to condone one or the other, we were who we were and I wasn't trying to change her, so she realized she shouldn't try to change me.

Just because you have a child doesn't make you worth more or less, the same goes for the child-free be it by choice or not so much by choice. Every life is valuable to someone, be it parents, aunts, uncles, friends, next door neighbors. Someone loves that person dearly, and to say that just because they don't have children their life is worth less than yours is basically saying you don't value any human life but yours and your kids. Which sounds five times more selfish than those of us, who view all human life as equal.

Money, social status, children, no children...it doesn't matter who you are, where you came from your life is just as valuable as the next and anyone who says differently is nothing short of heartless.

Though the whole "You're lucky" thing is annoying as well, why? Because frankly I'm not lucky, I'd be lucky if I wanted/had kids because then I wouldn't have to listen to self-righteous parents spew shyte. I'm NOT lucky, in fact, I'd say I was quite unfortunate because there isn't a day that goes by when someone isn't pressuring me to have a child. Total strangers at that, and there isn't a day when someone doesn't make me feel like I'm just some young whimsical dumb blond who's making a selfish decision based on "youth". There isn't a day that goes by when I wish the condescending prick across the counter would just choke and die so I didn't have to listen to their "pro-children" drivel. There isn't a single day that doesn't pass when I wish people could just LEAVE me and my decisions ALONE. Is it so much to ask to ask someone who I don't know to STAY out of my personal life?! Why do they feel entitled to make such personal conversation, i don't like them, and they probably don't really give two craps about me, so why all the probing? Nosy pricks.

I also hate the people who go on and on about "When are you going to grow up and have a family of your own?" I have a family, I have two loving parents, loving grandparents, adoring aunts and uncles, cousins who I have a very close relationship with...what part of that ISN'T family? Also what defines being "grown-up"? Oh being mature is dancing around to "Dora the Explorer" with your five year old and wearing pig tales to little league games. Gottcha. So really there are two sides to every coin, don't assume that just because you're on one side, doesn't mean that someone isn't on the other.

I don't have children, I don't want children and I don't care what anyone says about it!

I've experienced all of these comments during my infertility/trying to conceive journey (on month 17 of TTC right now and I'm in my early 20's) and each hurt. People are better off not saying anything at all instead of showing their ignorance to the world. Not everyone who is childless is doing so by choice and it doesn't make the person feel better when you say, "don't have kids they'll ruin your life." All that tells me is you should put your up for adoption. They'd be better off away from you and yes this has been said to me many times by people who know my situation. #3 on this list is getting to me. All my siblings have kids and they invite each other to their friends' childrens birthday parties and not me. That hurts deep, but if you're trying to conceive (TTC) for awhile you HAVE to build a thick skin. It's a neccessity. Also #5, #6, #8, #10 have been said to me too and again it hurts. Good article and baby dust to those who are trying.

The worst is at Holiday time when they say I should get off from work because I have a family. Single people have families too and deserve time off as much as anyone! Remember it was your choice to have kids.

It's not so much the "when are you going to have kids" comment that bothers me it's after we tell them we don't want any they say "you'll change your mind."

I see comments from people saying that there should be an article for what married people shouldn't say to unmarried/single people and let me just say that I'm married and my husband is my first (hopefully only) serious relationship and we didn't meet and marry until I was 22 (old I know *wink*). Before that I never brought a boy home to meet my parents everyone thought I was a lesbian as I'd been told by a younger family member. During my single days I was told so many mean, evil, and nasty things by family members and so called friends. Not only was I pushed aside and ignored for months on end while everyone was in their relationships I suffered through severe depression all alone for years. Once I sought treatment and realized that everyone around me was toxic I finally went out on the town, made new fabulous friends, and met my soul mate and again it took me until age 22 and I was depressed over my relationship woes from age 12. So with my story I try very, very hard to be extra-extra sensitive to those who aren't married. I will say very candidly that marriage is absolutely no walk in the park and it is by no means easy. There is so much give and take and sometimes no one wins. However just because it's not a fairytale doesn't mean I wouldn't get married all over again. So anyways I'm married and childless, but not by choice as I'm struggling with female infertility.

I'm the only childless one of all of my friends. The two things I constantly get are: 1. Let's get you knocked up! We want babies out of you! and 2. When are you coming to visit us? Now, naturally, the first is more in jest and the latter pisses me off to no end. I'm not rolling in dough just because I have yet to produce offspring. Why am I the one expected to fly all over God's creation to visit just because I don't have children? Pardon me, but last I checked, flights don't just go in one direction. I don't give two flying hooha's about how "difficult" it can be to fly with kids - leave them home or bring them - I've been flying since I was 6 months old so I have LITTLE sympathy.

As for the "I'm more important because I'm a parent" BS. Pardon me, but some of us are the sole bread winners or sole support systems for family members in nursing homes, family members that are disabled, or are assisting financially with the upbringing of the nieces/nephews/godchildren assigned to them. Not to mention that some of us also have parents and siblings whose lives we're in on a daily basis. The loss of ANYONE's life is tragic, regardless if they are a parent or not. You managed to get your eggo preggo in a night of fornication, that does NOT make you some holy being. Not all "parents" are good parents. People adapt to the loss of others, children more so than adults, but again. The loss of a life is a tragedy, regardless of their situation.

Thank God all my friends are male and childless!