Since 1959, Barbie has been around to inspire young girls and drive them crazy by constantly losing one shoe. Accordingly, since the beginning, Barbie has been causing drama, like the blond diva she is. There's been beefs about her totally inhuman body proportions, quandries about whether little sister Krissy is something more, and the roller coaster of her on-again off-again relationship with Ken. But sometimes, Mattel just comes up with an insane idea for a Barbie doll. Check out these ridiculous Barbies that should have been left in the box.
1. The Pregnant Barbie Doll [above] wasn't actually Barbie, but her best friend, Midge. You'd think that teaching children about the reproductive cycle could be a good thing. Well, not when the reproductive cycle consists of snapping off a magnetic belly and then pulling the baby out out of it. That's not giving birth; it's just weird. Mattel did make sure to include a painted-on wedding ring for the doll so none of us got the wrong idea about Midge.
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2. Pooper Scooper Barbie, as many affectionately call her, had a host of problems. First, the idea of picking of dog doo-doo is attractive to no one. Second, didn't the company realize that the idea of the dog's treat and poop being the exact some thing is kind of unappetizing? At least make the treat change color when it comes out the other end. The issues didn't end there; many of the toys were recalled when it was discovered the magnets in the scooper could fall out and be swallowed by children. So overall this was just a total fail. Though as a consolation prize, Tanner the dog is pretty cute.
3. Sun Gold Malibu Barbie spent a little too much time on the patio of her luxurious beach house. This burnt-to-a-crisp doll is supposed to show girls the sexy allure and glamour of being tan ... I guess. But to me it looks like this Barbie may have saggy skin and melanoma in her future. Where is the sunscreen?
4. Camping Barbie sounds like a cool idea, until you see the doll is wearing wedge heels and capris and only equipped with a pink plastic chair. If Mattel wants to stress that "girls can join in all the cool camping adventures," I would suggest hiking boots, backpacks, and tent equipment. Not a pink shrug, sun chair, and stylish hairdo. The only camping this Barbie is prepared for is waiting out in front of a movie theater to be the first to get "Twilight Saga: Eclipse" tickets.
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5. Don't get us wrong-Barbie has had a string of kick-butt jobs, but most of the time, her life aspirations can be lacking. Take for example, 1992's Teen Talk Barbie. She's a girl, minus the girl power. Yes, Barbie, math class can be a pain, but maybe it would go a little smoother if you didn't always have party dresses on your mind? Just a suggestion.
6. I know Barbie has to pay the bills, but I smell corporate dealings behind this McDonald's version of the doll. Not only does the fast food totally not mesh with her image, but Barbie had a medical degree last time I checked. So why is she flipping burgers?
7. Here is one for the men to get mad about-Cool Shavin' Ken. The commercial implies that without a clean shave you ain't getting any kisses from Barbie. I know The Frisky took a look into what getting a shave is like, but this seems a little too early for girls to be learning about male grooming. There is also a not-so-subtle Old Spice endorsement, which is kind of tacky.
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8. Babysitting Barbie gets stuck with another crappy job, helping her little sister Kelly learn how to tinkle. The word tinkle just makes me shudder; it is just such a disgustingly cutesy cover-up for saying "pee." Maybe I am being biased though, because as a child I never understood the attraction of dolls that could use the bathroom or that needed their diaper changed. In my opinion, teaching little sister Kelly to tinkle is not going to help me with child-rearing, so why waste my time?
9. The Barbie Loves Makeup Doll has only one reason for existing-to show your daughter the magic of makeup. Mattel promises that this doll will provide "hours of beautifying fun!" Oh great, because as a 6-year-old, your main concern should be maintaining your youthful appearance.
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10. Barbie has always been known for her great bod, but Mattel crossed the line with their set of "Growing Up Glam" dolls. These tween dolls look similar to the top-heavy Bratz dolls, but you get to help them grow. By turning a key in the back of the doll, you can make her begin to grow taller and develop boobs. Puberty is tough as it is and these Barbies aren't helping, especially for the late bloomers out there. The worst part is that Mattel already marketed the same idea years early with the "Growing Up Skipper," a doll that caused a lot of controversy. They must have decided to give it another shot.
11. The reason I have Cut N' Style Barbie on here is because of the personal vendetta I have against the doll. As a 6-year-old in 1995, I saw this ad and knew I had to have this doll. When I finally got it, I went through the 20-minute procedure of getting the Barbie out of the box and then promptly cut off all her hair. I was too excited to realize that the magic behind reattaching the new hair was poor quality velcro. The extensions only stayed on for a few seconds and quickly got tangled beyond combing. So, my Barbie kept her buzz cut and became the alternative chick MC for all my long-haired Barbie fashion shows. I still hold a grudge.
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