21 Ways You Know You're the Mom of a Boy
While writing a piece on translating "Momisms" into what we really mean, I realized there are some commonalities among moms of each sex that bond us together. Of course, every child is different, but if you're the mom of a boy, I'm guessing some of these will sound (and smell) all too familiar. (Feel free to read on if you're the mom of a girl, I'm sure many or all of these points will ring true as well.)
You know you're the mom of a boy if ...
1. You find yourself holding a living creature that many people would run away from screaming.
2. You can't muster the brain power to recall what you ate for breakfast, yet you can inherently transform a Transformer (without the 30 pages of directions it came with).
3. You have an unhealthy knowledge of the point/gem system for Temple Run, Dragonvale, Bakugan, Plants vs. Zombies, Cube Runner...
4. A girl makes eyes at your son and you have this weird urge to pull her aside and call her a hussy (whether she's 6 or 16).
5. You bought a car based solely on how much equipment you could fit in the trunk.
6. At 3, your baby boy asked you to marry him and you're still kinda considering it.
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7. You know what a Ripstik is and you're not afraid to use one.
8. You spend much of your days in a fog of fart odor and some of it is proudly yours. (What, It's a great way to impress your male offspring - I would imagine.)
9. A little penis seems to be constantly whizzing by (well, let's hope that's your son's).
10. You've actually placed yourself under a tree with the feeling that, if that kiddo loses footing - at the very least, I'll be there to break his fall.
11. You know the pain of stepping on a Lego... and may in fact have one imbedded somewhere in your body right now.
12. There's a finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it's not yours.
13. You understand what I mean when I say "bleacher butt," as in, "My sits bones are actually numb, I totally have bleacher butt."
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14. There's a rogue Bey Blade in your purse.
15. You've heard yourself say things like, "No, you can't ride the dog," and "Yes, you do have to keep your pants on in public."
16. You've had in depth conversations about who would win in multiple variations of match-ups involving Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, X-Men, Daddy...
17. You can't wait until he's old enough to watch Airplane, The Naked Gun, Caddy Shack, Vacation, Fletch, The Three Amigos, The Jerk...
18. Though you go about most days as an absolute pacifist, you've had a talk that involved you exclaiming, "Sometimes you gotta push back."
19. You've considered leashing your son at a theme park and he's 12.
20. You're on a first name basis with the orderlies at the ER who provide slings, splints, casts, and velcro boots.
21. There's a love you feel for that kid that's too great and sometimes too scary to fully explain or even comprehend.
So, here's to the women who got a gulp when their babies were born -- thinking One day they might leave you for another woman!
RELATED POSTS:
You Know You're the Mom of a "Girly" Girl IF ...
20 Momisms Translated: What They Really Mean
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Jenny Isenman AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind the award winning site, The Suburban Jungle. A caffeine addicted card carrying Gen Xer, on air lifestyle expert for NBC, and columnist at Huff Po and The Stir, her goal is to you keep herself sane. Oh, and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both. Join the insanity on Facebook and Twitter, and Pinterest.
